Friday, August 29, 2008

Stresses of Traveling with Toddler (Part I)

I knew that when I went down to Florida last week for work, and visiting family, that is was going to be rough -- as I would be traveling with Zack, without my husband. He needed to stay in New Jersey for work and couldn't come with us. So I started figuring out every possible scenario that could create problems for me and ways to make my trip as easy as I could.

Knowing that I would be pushing Zack in a stroller, bringing a carry-on piece of luggage on the plane (for all of Zack's essentials, as well as my purse items) and then would be checking in a bag, I knew I couldn't take anything else with us. Which meant that I would need to rent a car seat, a booster seat and a crib for wherever we would be. The car seat seemed easier, as I would rent it with my rent-a-car once I got to Florida. Which sounds easy enough -- until you realize that most of the local car rental locations do not carry car seats. The primary location for arranging a car seat for a baby/toddler is at the airport.

So my original option of my sister picking us up at the airport and then renting a car a few days later became a problem. So I needed to rethink my original strategy. The other part of my plan was that my sister would spend time with Zack and I in Jacksonville, FL and help with him when I was working. Then she would drive with us over to Orlando to spend time with my brother and his family, and then over to Tampa to finish up our visit and get work done over there. So instead of her driving us around, I had her fly from Tampa to Jacksonville, and I then rented a car at the airport with a car seat for Zack. I then picked her up about 90 minutes later and we drove over to stay at my mother-in-laws house.

But of course asking for a car seat is not as easy as one would think -- especially when you are traveling with a toddler by yourself. You would think that the car rental place would have the car seat already set up in your car, as requested. But according to safety regulations they are not allowed to put it in your car -- so as any new parent will attest, putting a car seat into a car is not an easy feat! Especially when your toddler is screaming for you, struggling to get out of their stroller, and run around like crazy in the parking garage.....which can really test your patience and nerves! By this time my son wanted out -- he had spent the entire morning traveling from home -- to the airport -- through security -- being held in the waiting area -- getting onto the plane -- and flying 2 or so hours......Needless to say Zack was tired of being tied down and wanted to be FREE!

So after I sweated through installing a car seat, and trying to calm my son down enough to get into that seat (another form of confinement) to drive to get something to eat, and wait for my sister, so we could drive another 45 minutes....I was frazzled, exhausted and ready to get to my destination!

How do I keep him happy, keep myself together and manage to do it all with a smile on my face???? (not an easy task)

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Stepping Off the Corporate Ladder (FM)

I felt that this topic was a very important one to cover for expectant and new mothers. In today's world more women have graduated college, have worked hard on their careers, and have achieved successful and powerful positions, before deciding to embark on having a family.

So what happens when a woman brings this beautiful baby into the world and suddenly her priorities shift. She doesn't feel as fulfilled in her job as she once did, and she instead wants to be with her child full-time? Is it a bad thing for her to want to put her career on hold, to share the first few years of her child's life at home -- providing a strong foundation, and experiencing those precious years, which are so fleeting?

I would say definitely not! And instead, I would applaud any woman that decides to make that transition to a stay-at-home mom. But making the decision to give up their career, which has been their identity most of their adult life, to become known as "mom" can be a tough transition.

But I believe that women today can achieve anything they set out to do, and I applaud this generation of moms who are taking the time to nurture their children. As we are now seeing -- those same women that have decided to take a break from their corporate careers are redefining themselves as moms, and as career women!

Don't allow the fear of the unknown to keep you from following your heart -- because if you follow your heart -- everything will work out for the best! And the benefit of that will ultimately be your child!!

Support Network

A little over nine years ago I moved from Florida to Connecticut -- away from my family and friends, to get a fresh start on my life. I had originally planned on moving back -- but after meeting my husband, who lived in New Jersey, I found myself staying up north.

Over the years it has been difficult living so far away from Florida -- but never as hard as when I became pregnant and gave birth to my son Zack. Without that support network of aunts, uncles and grandparents to help raise my child, makes life that much more challenging; especially the first few weeks after having a c-section when I could have really used the help!!

I watch other moms in my community that have their mothers, sisters, and brothers to help take their kids for a respit, to get things done around the house, to go away overnight, and who babysit on a regular basis. I feelt hat I am missing out on so much by not having my family close by. And even though my husband has lived in New Jersey for most of his adult life, his mother, grandparents and uncle all live in Florida as well.

There have been so man times over the last 20 months when I would have given anything to have my sister close by to help with Zack -- or my mom to come by and pick him up for an afternoon, or even to take him overnight, to give me a breather and have a few hours to myself. The times that Jeff, Zack and I have gone down to Florida to visit -- my family has babysat and given us a chance to go out to dinner alone, and have some quality time together.

Having that alone time is so important in a relationship and it helps when you don't have to pay a babysitter, on top of the cost of dinner or a date night!

So I recommend highly to anyone starting a family, try to live close to your family, because having a support network in place is so important!! As the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child -- in today's world -- it takes a support network to raise a child!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Stay-At-Home Dads (FM)

When thinking about who is going to be the primary care provider for your child, more and more dads are agreeing to become At-Home Dads, while their wives are working. According to a U.S. Census survey released in 2006, there are over 160,000 stay-at-home dads (SAHDs) in the United States; which is 2.7 percent of the country's stay-at-home parents -- almost triple the percentage from a decade ago.

I appreciated hearing from Robb and Mike about their view on being at home with their kids. Robb, a father of 2 1/2 year old twins, has taken the approach of connecting himself to a group of like minded fathers, in his community, so that he can meet with them for a play group once a week, he gets together with the fathers once a month for a guys night out, and has attended several conferences held each year for Stay-at-home dads -- to learn what other dads are doing and how they are managing their new roles. I was amazed that even while living in Omaha, NE, instead of a suburb outside of a major city, there were quite a few at home dads that were involved in his group. Tap into their website to learn more www.athomedads.org.

Then with Mike, I was able to see another viewpoint. Mike is considered a stay-at-home dad because he is home during the day with his son, and now 4 month old daughter, but he is also juggling a freelance writing career at nights, on the weekends, and in between naps. So his focus is spending time with his kids and juggling his career -- instead of branching out into the community to seek out other at-home dads. Although I truely appreciated the fact that he taps into his strong family support network to make this juggle work, and also as an outlet for his kids.

It doesn't matter if you are a stay-at-home mom, or a stay-at-home dad, the challenges are the same -- keeping your kids busy all day, managing their schedule of feedings and naps, and not allowing the daily interaction of infants, toddlers or pre-schoolers to turn your mind to mush. As well as lose your self-esteem along the way, while doing the most important job, that many times gets overlooked and is underappeciated.

So I salute all the stay-at-home dads out there that have taken on this role, and are making a major contribution to their child's life by providing a strong foundation for the future.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Respecting My Time

I am writing this blog, as a Shout Out to all you Moms and Dads, to see if anyone else has run into this problem in the past!! Please post me if you have!

Yesterday, I called my primary physician's office, to see if I could get in for a quick look at my ankle. Over the weekend I had gotten bitten by something, on my ankle, and it proceeded to swell up. get bumpy and a red rash started forming all around my foot. I was hoping that it wasn't infected and the cortizone cream I was putting on it, didn't seem to be helping.

Luckily she did have a segment of time available and they scheduled me for an appointment at 3:10 in the afternoon.

Being respectful of other people's time, I finished up some work, got in my car, drove the 25 minutes to my doctors office and arrived at exactly 3:10 for my appointment. When I entered the Valley Women's practice, the waiting room was full. I checked in with the receptionist, paid my co-pay and proceeded to find an empty chair and a magazine to read -- thinking that she would see me shortly.

I breezed through the magazine, looked up to see that some people had gone in, a few more people had arrived after me, signed in and were also waiting......30 minutes has now passed....and I look around for a second magazine -- wondering when my name will be called. I read through that magazine, and the waiting room proceeds to empty out as most of the people have been called in to see their doctor. 50 minutes and counting, and I am starting to get a little annoyed. How long do I have to wait for a simple check up of my foot? And what about those other people that came in after me, they have gone in already?

I grab another magazine and fly through it because I am really not interested in anything right now except seeing the doctor and leaving -- there are a zillion other things I could be doing with my time besides sitting here waiting to be seen. Finally, a little over an hour, I walk up to the receptionist and ask her what could be taking so long, and that I have been waiting here for over an hour. She looks right through me, as though it is not her problem, and proceeds to find my chart posted on the wall, waiting for the doctor. She tells me I am next.

I go back to my purse, but cannot sit any longer. I start pacing....looking at flyers posted on the walls, reading brochures that are set up as takeaways on the side tables, and make note that I am the last person waiting in the lobby area.

Finally, a nurse calls my name and I follow her to one of the back rooms. She wants to take my blood pressure and I explain that at this point it is probably going to be high, because I have been waiting for an hour and 20 minutes for the doctor. She apologizes, takes my blood pressure and then fills in the chart with information about why I am here to see the doctor. As she is leaving, she ASSURES me that the doctor will be in, no more than 5 minutes. (wrong again)

10 minutes later the doctor finally comes in the office to see me. (Now mind you, she is a wonderful person, with a warm and caring personality -- which is why I am here to see her -- but really) I explain my situation, she assures me that my ankle is not infected, that it looks like I had an allergic reaction to the bug bite. She gives me a perscription for an ointment to put on it and recommends that I take Bendryl to fight off the allergy. (I am done within 5 minutes).

But I cannot hold my tongue at this point. As we are starting to walk out of her office, I shared with her that "for future reference" if she is 40 minutes behind when someone comes to sign in for their appointment, it would be really helpful if the receptionist would have passed along that information. In my case if I would have been given that information I would have accepted it and then chosen to walk over to Starbucks next door to get a coffee, I could have than made a couple of phone calls and I wouldn't have felt that my time was wasted. But instead I felt like I was held captive for all that time, and that my time was not respected.

I then added that I Don't Know Any Woman that has 1 - 2 hours to waste. Does she? Then in her soft, warm manner she went on to explain that my wait time was a little excessive, but there were some older people ahead of me that took longer, and they don't like us to "stray too far" in case they call me -- but the norm is an hour wait!!!!

Upon hearing that I proceeded to leave and was just totally floored!! Instead of trying to take my advice about giving her receptionist a heads up.....instead she talked about how a few other patients had increased my "normal wait time from an hour, to 30 minutes longer......but the normal wait time is usually an hour!!!"

Unbelieveable, I mean than why even schedule me for a 3:10 appointment, instead I should have arrived at 4:10 pm to be on time!

Thank goodness I am a very healthy person -- I am rarely sick and never see a doctor, except for my yearly gynecology exam. So I haven't been in the situation where I have had to wait like this for a doctor. Even when I was going through my infertility treatments, and when I was pregnant with my son -- both doctor's offices had me in and out rather quickly. And even my pediatrician has me in and out!

This is why I was so annoyed -- if other doctors that I have seen respect my time enough to get me in and out rather quickly -- shouldn't all doctors be that way??

My question to moms out there is -- have you found this to be a norm at doctors offices and if so, how long have you had to wait? Does it truely annoy you, to be wasting your precious time while you are waiting to be seen, or are you so used to it that you come prepared by bringing a book, and you just expect to have to wait?

I think it is really the responsibility of the doctor to work their schedule more efficiently to not allow this long wait time in their office. But if it does happen, as things do come up, they should pass along the delay to their receptionist so the patient that is waiting feels respected and can now make decisions about their time!!!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Maintaining Balance of Work and Baby

This is the hardest part of being a mom. How to be a successful at work, maintain an identity that is not just being mom, but also spend quality time helping to shape, nurture and guide your child to become a strong, independent person.

I am constantly working at balancing the right amount of time away at work -- that time away allows me to be the person I am, and it also provides an example to my son of a role model that hopefully he will respect. In the right environment, the time that he spends away from me will also provide further growth opportunities for him -- by being with other kids and interacting with other role models.

Then when I am with him, I try to spend that dedicated time with him, with as little work interruptions as possible.

How to find and achieve that balance is an ongoing struggle, but knowing what your goal is -- provides a template to shoot for.

Monday, August 4, 2008

As Time Moves On

In my last blog I wrote about the sitter I found, for my son Zack, once I went back to work. Well, as with everything in life, not all things stay the same. My sitter was very open to helping me on a part-time basis, as I eased back into a full time work load. However, when I needed to expand the amount of hours she was watching Zack, that became more of a problem. (Remember she still has 6 children of her own, and suddenly she was also becoming the main caretaker for her ailing father) -- So I needed to find a back-up person to handle watching my son, a couple days a week.

While I really liked my sitter, and Zack was very comfortable with her and her children, I also needed to take care of my work responsibilites and make sure that my son was taken care of. (which meant, that if my work was getting done, and he was taken care of, all was right with the world)

But finding someone you can trust and is a good role model, is not always easy. I continued to put off the search, and continue limping along, until I couldn't do it any longer! But as I had consciously made a decision to find my first sitter, once I started searching for someone, the second one that I found, came to me right away. She was just the person I was looking for!!

And what I love about her watching Zack a couple days a week is that there is a nice balance between the two environments. This new sitter has a lot of experience working with and teaching smaller children, so he is having fun at her house, but is also learning and is being exposed to a wealth of "pre-school" concepts at an early age.

Then when he goes over to his first sitter's house he has fun and just plays with the kids -- which gives him more social skills experience. And now I am not over taxing my original sitter because she gets a break two days a week -- and my work schedule gets covered! It is a win-win situation.

So, with everything else with Motherhood, if you understand that everything changes, and nothing ever stays the same -- and the best way to approach life is to be flexible -- your daily existance will be less frustrating.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Child Care Options (FM)

Another big decision for couples is who will be nurturing their baby on a daily basis? The fact is that the first few years of a child's life are the formative years. Does a parent want to go back to work and have those years shaped by someone else? Which is why so many parents choose to have either the mother, or father stay at home, for those first few years, to provide a solid, nurturing foundation for their child.

But if that option is not available, the next challenge is, who will take care of baby? Can a relative babysit while mom is working, is childcare an option, or do you go the route of finding a babysitter or nanny?

I know for me, finding the right person to watch my son when I went back to work weighed heavily on my mind. It became my main focus when I was pregnant, because the last thing I wanted to do was to go back to work and be concerned about my child. I needed to focus on work at work, and focus on my son when I was with him.

Luckily for me, I had my own business (a preplanned decision) so I could be flexible on when I worked and how much I needed a sitter. Then as Zack grew, I increased the time that he was at the sitter --providing a nice balance between time spent with me and time spent away -- gaining his own independence and social skills with other kids.

Parents need to be conscious of the type of person they want to help raise their child. I was lucky to find a mother of six children, who had four of her kids in school most of the day; leaving the other two at home to play with Zack. I felt confident that with all her experience, if something came up, she would be able to handle it.

I also saw how patient and loving she was with her children, and I knew that my son would thrive in that environment. She also has strong christian values and does not subscribe to cable tv in her house. So her children are not glued in front of the television -- they are busy playing with each other and involved in various activities.

Zack also became very close to my sitters two younger children, and by having other kids to play with he was able to socialize and develop his communication skills on a daily basis.

I am very fortunate to have her and her family in Zack's life and especially to provide that peace of mind for me when I am working!

What type of environment do you want your child to grow up in while you are away working?