Finding Ways to Celebrate Life

Before baby, I was only dealing with the pressures of running my own business, things that came up in my personal relationships, and life in general. Once baby came on the scene those pressures needed to get relegated to the back burner, as I focused on Zack and his needs. However, the added work that goes into mothering can sometimes be too much....on top of those other concerns.

As a mother can relate, the Role of Mothering can be a thankless job. Oh, those hugs, smiles, your child's laughter and being called mommy in their little voice makes it all worthwhile!! But there are definitely days when I am just worn down.....and am looking for ways to "celebrate life," to give myself a "congratulations" for keeping it all together, and for "finding joy" amongst the work.

One way is to open up a bottle of champagne (there are some great varieties that don't cost a lot) and toast myself to how far I have come (from midnight feedings, lugging a huge diaper bag around, and having to carry Zack everywhere -- to sleeping through the night, carrying a downsized diaper bag to the sitters, and Zack being able to run around on his own). And how each day gets easier on a certain level.

I also celebrate juggling it all, through another day, and not cracking under the pressure.

To all mom's -- have a glass of champagne and congratulate yourselves for a job well done!!

Summer Has Begun

You know summer has begun when all the kids get out of school.... and get ready for camp. In the northeast it is extremely popular for kids to go to sleep away camp for four weeks or longer. Other kids go to day camp, filling up their days with outdoor and indoor activities.

In my community we have a summer camp called Beach Club that is based around our lake, starting kids at age 4. I can be driving and pass kids riding their bikes to the next activity, or see tons of kids at one beach taking swimming lessons, while at another beach they are practicing swimming styles for competition.

Ah, to be young and unencumbered and have nothing to do but enjoy life!

I dropped my son Zack off at his sitters house and she asked me if she could take him, along with three other girls that she watches, to a park about 30 minutes away that has a small zoo and a playground. That question brought a vision to mind of the future, being asked to sign a permission slip for my son to go on a class trip.

Of course he can go. Summer should be filled with fun, relaxing times, quality time with family, and sunny days.

To all moms out there kicking off their summer -- enjoy this time with your children...they aren't pressured by school, homework, extracurricular activities, and it is a wonderful chance to reconnect.

Preparing Pet for Baby (FM)

This week on my radio show -- Family Matters I wanted to address how important it is to prepare your pets for baby. If you are like me, my two dogs (boxers) have been our babies. My husband had our oldest dog a year before we met (she is now 10 years old) and we adopted another white boxer a few years ago.....and he has always felt like he was the baby!! So we were a little nervous about how he would handle a "new baby" that would be getting all our attention.

It is good to go to the Humane Society's website to get specific tips that you can print out and go through, as you gear up for baby's arrival www.hsus.org There is a whole section about introducing your pet to new baby and a video to watch as well.

Only being a dog person, I didn't spend as much time talking about cats. But there is also information about toxoplasmosis that can be contracted through the kitty litter box of cats, so if you do have a cat, please check out that section as well.

And finally, really consider bringing on someone to walk your pet because a new baby will consume a great deal of your time. Dogs especially need their exercise and attention, and it may be difficult, especially in the beginning to give them what they need. You don't want them to be jealous of the baby, and you do want to give them the best care possible.

Finding a local high school student who is looking to make a little money won't cost you that much, but it could be your best investment for the future.

What Moms Put Up With

I was reflecting the other day, as my son smeared sauce from his lunch onto my shirt, and then proceeded to pull my hair from my hair clip as we were walking around the ball park.....at how much I have put up with once I became a mother. To think that in my "previous life" before baby, I was always dressed immaculately, I was rarely frazzled, and I always wore my hair down. However, shortly after my son realized how great it was to play with my hair, I began wearing it up in a ponytail, or in a clip, so that he couldn't "pull" on it.

But besides the hair (which he has a fascination with), I began reflecting back on when he was an infant and the constant poop (in varying colors) that I needed to change, as well the ongoing spit up issue that had me changing his clothes (as well as mine) several times throughout the day. That had to be one of the hardest parts -- I could not wear anything nice -- I was always paying attention to clothes that I was putting on, and whether or not it was washable.

Now we are in the stage of early mornings (and I am not a morning person) -- with non-stop action from the minute he gets up until the time he collapses at the end of the day. He is loud and noisy as he yells from one room to the next, screams at our dog to chase after him, squeals with excitement, and screeches because he likes to hear the sound of his voice. (It can be maddening, because I am so used to having a peaceful house -- many times I can't hear myself think).

And with all little boys that are eager to explore and check out new things......he is constantly getting into everything he shouldn't and breaking things. This will happen as he trys to pull the towel rack off the wall, grab the air freshener from the electrical outlet, play with the television clicker or portable phone when it is in his reach, and yank items off my book shelf.

But you have to love that sweet little smile he flashes you just when you are overwhelmed with frustration. You just can't be mad at him because he is too cute......and he is only being a boy!!

Many times I find myself just breathing.....in and out.....until I am back to a somewhat calm place and he has already moved onto something else!

Every day is a new adventure -- it certainly isn't dull.

Taking Toddler to Phillies Baseball Game

I have always been an avid sports fan -- before I moved up north I had season tickets to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers Football games, I was part owner in a suite at the Ice Palace where the Tampa Bay Lightning Hockey team played, and I went to all the Tampa Bay Storm games (indoor arena football). My husband is also a big sports fanatic, so we enjoyed traveling to football games, baseball and hockey games together. When I was pregnant with my son, we even went to three baseball games -- breaking in my son to sports while still in the womb.

Once he was born that activity wasn't quite as easy, but I still managed to go to one baseball game when he was seven months old (with him sleeping through half the game) and another baseball game at fourteen months (although we left early). However, yesterday's outing to Philadelphia to see the Phillies play the Angels was not the way I want to go to a game.

I used to love sitting outside, getting some sun, enjoying the ball park, watching the game and relaxing. Yesterday when we got there my husband showed me the seats he had bought....they were phenomenal -- eighth row behind third base, behind the visitor's dugout. I think I got to enjoy the view for the first few minutes when we first arrived there, then for 45 minutes at the beginning of the game before Zacky started squirming and did not want to "sit" any longer and watch the game.

So the rest of the game I was strolling him around, through the crowds, and walking after him in a little more open area, way up on the second floor, where tables and umbrellas were set up -- trying to amuse him in a crowded ball park. It was not fun, it was exhausting, and it was not the way to enjoy going to a game!

I realize that "this too will change" as Zack gets older and will become interested in watching the game -- as he loves baseball. When he was in the seats with us he was excited about the mascot running around on the field, he was yelling when a batter got up and hit the ball into the field, and he loved being at the game (this lasted for 30 minutes before he was ready to go running around).

So for now -- this transition phase when he is an active toddler -- I know that to save my sanity, it is better to put off this activity until both he and I can enjoy the experience!

Asking For Help (FM)

While speaking with The Baby Planners, Melissa and Ellie, about the services they offer to help moms-to-be, it had me reflecting on the help that new moms need once the baby is brought home.

This can be an especially overwhelming time, as mom is recovering from delivery and being responsible for the constant needs of a newborn. It is even more so if a mom had an unexpected c-section. I know that for me, I thought I had arranged enough help for when I got home from the hospital.....but there were so many things I hadn't counted on, and ultimately did not have enough assistance.

A Few Things to Keep In Mind when Pre-Planning:

1. Have a conversation with your husband about what he is willing to do and how can responsibilities be divided up? Is he planning on taking off from work the first two weeks to be an extra set of hands? Is he willing to take over one of the night time feedings (if the baby is bottle fed) Will he take the baby to the doctor/or can he drive you there? Can he help with the laundry or making dinner? And can he take over for you once he arrives home at the end of the day so you are given a break?

2. Plan to have friends and family available to jump in to help where needed the first 3-4 weeks one the baby arrives home (this is in case of a c-section). And tell them specific things that you need help with; such as picking up groceries, watching the baby so you can sleep, or even take a walk to clear your head.

3. Plan how meals are going to be prepared because that will be a chore you won't have time to do -- but you still need to eat well to recover from your delivery.

4. If you have any pets, who can walk and feed them the first couple of weeks? Is there someone in your neighborhood that can do that?

5. Who can take care of doing the laundry or cleaning the house?

It is better to over plan for help and not need it, than to not have enough assistance and feel distraught.

Life of the Party

On saturday Jeff, Zack and I went to a graduation party. A friend of ours was throwing a party for his daughter, who just graduated from college. It was a very casual affair, held in a VFW hall by their house, and our friend comes from a large family, so they are used to having kids running around. It was our first event, with a group of people at a party, with Zack being able to run and play with other kids.

When we first arrived, he was immediately attracted to the red helium balloons that were scattered all over the hall for decoration. Luckily they had three balloons grouped together, and attached to a cow bell, on each of the tables. So we grabbed one of the tables and let him play with our centerpiece for awhile. He then enjoyed running up and down the hall, grabbing a dorito or potato chip on each visit back by us; he was also waving to everyone that was coming in, and visiting guests sitting around to say hello -- it was as if he was the host of the party.

Then once a few children showed up, he was set for the rest of the afternoon -- running around with them, playing with the balloons, laughing and just having a great time. It was so much fun to watch......and I wasn't the only one. All the guests loved his happy face, his openness and his laughter.

When we got ready to leave, a few hours later, on the way out the door, people we didn't even know were sad to see us leave, they said that Zack had been their entertainment.

It made me so happy to see him going and doing on his own, without worrying about where we were, not needing to sit near us, but instead out exploring new people and having fun!
It was a very good day.

Communication Meltdowns

At 18 months my son has quite a repertoire of words in his vocabulary, and he has started putting a couple of words together. So most of the time, between the words he can say, him pointing and gesturing, I can usually figure out what he wants.

Or there are times when he says a word I don't understand, but I try to pretend that I do -- to acknowledge him.

However, lately he has started having meltdowns because he wants to say more, but hasn't mastered the words yet. Or we think he wants something and it is obviously not what he wants and he gets extremely upset and frustrated.

In my coaching practice I have worked with parents of children ages 4-6 that are having temper tantrums because they can't express their feelings....why they are angry, and what is really going on underneath the anger. I coach parents on how to dialogue with their children to help them find the words to express their concerns.

I know my son is struggling because he wants to talk and express himself, but he hasn't learned the language. I am sure that once he get those words down, though, he will never stop talking!
As with everything, this challenging time will pass!

Ball Player in the Making

The other morning was one of those times that I truly enjoyed my son. He can be so precious with his happy grin, curious nature, and excitement when he is doing something he loves -- one of those things is playing with balls (any kind of sports ball -- football, soccer, baseball, basketball, beach ball, etc....) he is almost obsessed with them.

So shortly after getting up and going downstairs he ran right over to his inflatable car that is filled with plastic balls and started throwing them to our dog (a white boxer named Aspen) to chase and play with him. He is so funny the way he crouches down (like a professional baseball pitcher) and throws that ball across the room. Then he laughed and ran after Aspen to do it again.......this can continue for a good fifteen minutes before he moves on to another game involving his football, or another sport.

My husband and I joke about what type of professional athlete he will be when he grows up. Even a few months ago, when he discovered the football -- my husband had gotten him a small official NFL ball and he was in love with it the minute it was in his hands. He reminded me of one of those freshman receivers in college that has to carry the ball around with him all day, and through all of his classes, making sure he does not let it out of his hands. Zack was the same way -- carrying it everywhere, and even falling asleep with it, clutched in his tight little hands. Even today if you say football to him he will comment "hike, hike, hike."

But them we laugh as he is always picking up the phone wanting to call someone, or talk --with it perched on his shoulder, under his chin, while walking around. So we make remarks about how instead of an athlete, he is going to be a Sports Agent, following all the sports, and then calling his clients after each game!!!

It is fun watching him blossom and enjoy his unique interests. As with any child a parent should pay attention to their child's gifts and talents and then find ways to encourage them to become the person they are meant to be. I look forward to watching Zack's talent unfold.

Spending Time with Zack -- or Working?

Saturday's blog reminds me of how often I am playing a mental game with myself about having Zack more often at the sitters, so I can get work done....or spending those extra few hours in the morning, a few days a week, just with him???

On bright, sunny days, those mornings are precious as I take him to the diner for pancakes, and then over to the playground to swing on the swings. Or down to the lake to watch him throw sticks into the water, or just observe him walk around, exploring his world.

In those times I am reminded that he will only be this age once and how priceless these times are. There are other times; however, when the weather is not so good, and we get caught staying in the house, and I am pulled between running up to check my e-mail, or return some phone calls, and playing with him.

Then when he senses me pulling away from him, the struggles begin. Or he will make his way around the house pulling everything out and throwing it around.....for me to pick up before starting my work day later.....or he will get into everything he shouldn't....and frustrate me to no end.

So each day flies by in a flash, as I try to juggle it all, and make the most of each day!

Toddler Proofing My Home Office

When my son was an infant he would sleep a lot in my office, while I got work done. As he moved from infant to baby, he would still be in my office, playing with a toy and looking up at me content, happy to be near me playing, while I worked on my computer.

The next phase -- he moved into a bouncy seat, next to my desk, where he could sit up, spin around, bounce, and play with the toys that were attached. This kept him occupied and busy long enough for me to get several things done before he was ready to go off and crawl around.

I visioned the day when he would sit on a rug, on the floor of my office, and play with toys while I worked. (That must have been a vision of another child, because my son does not sit for any length of time!!)

He went right from crawling to standing, to furniture walking, and once he started walking on his own, he was soon running -- freedom, freedom....he wanted to explore everything. Which leads me to the current phase....getting into everything in my office and driving me CRAZY!!

This is my domain -- my work environment! And he would knock papers over, pull books off my shelves, turn my printer on and proceed to shove small items into it. He would pull folders out of my filing cabinet, yank my phone off my desk (once when I was on an important call) and one morning he shut my computer off just as I was right in the middle of creating a document!!

During those moments I can only see a bulldozer plowing through my office. But when I have a chance to step back, look at his sweet little face, and lift him up to carry him downstairs, out of my domain......do I suddenly see an adventurous little boy that just wants to see all the fun little items I have hidden away in my drawers, and be a part of my world.

So again, I needed to figure out a way to adapt to him, and not expect him to adapt to me by not exploring my office. So I bought a plastic bin and put all my paperclips, computer discs, staples, rubber bands, etc....in it and put it away in my office closet. I also need to limit the time I am in my office when he is home, not sleeping or dad isn't around to watch him.

How two worlds collide......

Getting Away -- Why No Sleep?

Yesterday I drove to Connecticut to spend the night at a B&B in the coastal town of Niantic, CT. I was writing an article for BnBFinder.com about their Babymoon Package. I was so looking forward to getting away from all my responsibilities at home and for my husband to spend 24 hours of quality time with Zack and our two dogs!

Before baby I used to travel at least once a month doing trainings for American Express, but after baby, the first chance I had to travel for work overnight was just a month ago. This trip allowed me the freedom to not only get my job done, but also the ability to sit in an Adirondack chair, with the sun shining on my face, while overlooking a beautiful seaside Marina for a couple of hours -- to just chill, without being pulled in a dozen different directions. I so needed that

Then as early evening approached I went to check out a local seafood restaurant, explored the downtown area and enjoyed watching the movie "Sex in the City" at the little movie theatre in town. (the last time I had been to a movie was over two years ago).

After arriving back at the Inn, all I wanted to do was have some tea, relax, and then go to sleep. Ahh, a good night's sleep.....the ability to sleep in past 6:30 am and not be woken up by baby!!

Ha, ha -- that is where the joke was on me!! Because I wanted that so badly -- sleep eluded me!!! I lay in bed tossing and turning, with my body craving sleep, sleep, sleep -- and my mind suddenly on overdrive -- sleep seemed to be pushed farther and farther out of reach. The clock continued to tick the hours away....until I last remember seeing 3:00 am.

Then waking up to rain hitting the windows at 7:30 am -- I looked at the clock, rolled over, and tried to fall back to sleep. I knew I didn't need to be up until closer to 9:00.......but fat chance of that.

My big chance to get the sleep I need and it is elusive and out of reach......

No Rest For the Weary

One of the most difficult aspects of being a mom is that there is no break. If you are sick, if you are tired, if you are stressed....there is no break. I know that a few times since my son was born, I have gotten up in the morning and not felt good at all. All I wanted to do was crawl back into bed, hide under the covers, and recharge. But there is no longer that luxury.

Before baby, I used to work all the time; but I always knew how to pace myself, give myself that down time to recharge my physical battery and be able to keep going and doing. My biggest challenge these days is finding a way to recharge my battery, because with anything, if the physical battery breaks down, everything else breaks down.

Yesterday was a perfect example. I woke up on sunday morning and was not feeling great, as if I was coming down with something. My husband went off to work overtime at his job and my son had me up at 6:30 am ready to go. I dragged myself out of bed and had to get our two dogs fed, and get my son a bottle of milk, then try to get him to have some sort of breakfast, while he is running around the house, more interested in playing........I would have given anything to have gone back to bed and caught a couple more hours of sleep.

But instead I tried to participate in the morning and prayed he would be ready for a nap at around 10:30am. Unfortunately, because I wanted him to, he was not going to have a nap at 10:30, or at 11:00 as I struggled with him to lay down. So finally I got him and I dressed and headed out for the day......just in time for him to fall asleep in the car on the way to a street fair. (For 20 minutes)

So we are out and about, I am feeling better, being outside and out of the house...but he is still wearing me down!! Then we leave to come home, and I am hoping he will be ready for an afternoon nap....give me a good hour to lay down and just grab some rest. He is almost nodding off in the car, and I am playing with his feet trying to keep him awake......almost home, just a few more miles, almost there.....and I can put him down in his bed, and I can lay down.

I lift him out of his car seat, ease him into the house, my dogs are jumping around because they want to go out.....and boom, Zack is up and there is now no nap. I put him in his crib anyway, hoping he will try to fall asleep, while I take out the dogs and feed them.......I go back upstairs and he is jumping around ready to play.

Does he need me to calm him down, try to get him back in the slumber state he was in a short while ago? Because he really does need to nap (and so do I) normally he takes a 2 hour nap and so far he has only had 20 minutes. I pick him up and try to rock him.......but nothing works, the spell has been broken and he is now up for the duration.

I let him down off my lap and look at my watch. I take a deep breath and wonder how I am going to get through the next few hours before he may be ready for sleep. It was now 3:30 and I doubt he would go down before 6:30 pm (if I am really lucky). Plus, without his nap, am I going to have to endure melt downs and emotional difficulties?

We get through the next few hours with some struggles, I get through dinner, we get through bath time and I am beyond ready to have him go down for the night. At 7:00 we are struggling in his bedroom, he is way past exhausted (and so am I) so he doesn't want to go down, but after a little bit he konks out! I am beat up, totally spent, and not able to do one more thing......

But as I walk downstairs I see the living room with scattered toys all over the floor, and I grit my teeth as I put everything away. I go into the kitchen to get a glass of wine, I walk back upstairs to my bedroom, throw on my soft pajamas and crawl under the covers and try to lose myself in a good book.

Just to do it all over again tomorrow..........