Sex & Intimacy After Baby (FM)

Whenever a new baby comes along, a couples sex life takes a backseat to the needs of a newborn and sleep deprivation. But the key to keeping a couples relationship strong is to find the time and energy for intimacy and sex, even if that means scheduling a time together.

Wendy Jaffe, a former divorce attorney and author of the book "The Divorce Lawyers Guide to Staying Married" confirms that one of the biggest reasons couples get divorced is the lack of sex in their marriage. She also talks about how some parents can become "kidaholics" once they have a child and how that can affect their relationship.

Then Gregory Keer, father of three, and publisher of www.Familymanonline.com, provides a dads perspective on a couples sex life after baby's arrival. He shares how a dad can be supportive of mom, and be open to intimacy and other alternatives to sex when sex doesn't work such as cuddling, kissing and holding one another. Sometimes quiet time at the end of the day can help reaffirm ones connection and love for the other, and that is just as important.

We also discussed the idea of a couple getting away for a weekend, if at all possible, 3 - 4 months after the baby's birth to reconnect and jumpstart your sex life. If you have relatives that can watch the baby, that would be ideal. It not only gives you a chance to get away to sleep, talk, and get your love life back on track, but your baby will also get accustomed to staying overnight at someone else's house.

Remember you were a couple before you became parents, don't lose that strong foundation as you take on the new role of father and mother.

Motherhood Untold (FM)

As I was gearing up for the birth of my son 2 years ago, I knew that my life would change, but I wasn't truly prepared for how much it would change! Or how challenging it would be to integrate this little person into my marriage, my career, and what used to be "my time." I had a friend tell me, after having her first child, how being a mom was the hardest job she ever had, and I brushed her off. I thought if I can work four months in a row, while working 60-70 hours a week without a day off, I can handle taking care of a baby.

Little did I realize that at the end of each day of work I was able to go home and not be pulled on by work, not so with a little baby that needs you 24/7. And at the end of 4 months I was able to take a reprieve from my job after completing that project, but that doesn't happen with a baby. Your baby is with you from the day he is born, until he hopefully goes off to college.

I used to be really good at pacing myself, knowing my limits, and taking time to take care of myself so I wouldn't burn myself out.....and that is so much harder with a baby. When you are sick you can't just crawl into bed and sleep it away, like you could before baby. The world changes, and you have to change with it.

On my show, Dr. Shoshana Bennett and I talk about several common fantasies that mothers have about motherhood that can create a harsh reality for them when they realize that those fantasies that they believed, are not true. Several are:

*This should be the happiest time of my life
*I should be able to do everything myself
*I shouldn't need breaks
*My life won't change that much
*My needs shouldn't matter
*Breastfeeding is natural, so it should come easily

Then later Jenna McCarthy, author of the book "The Parent Trip -- from High Heels and Parties, to High Chairs and Potties" and I laugh and joke about several sections of her book dealing with Take My Husband Please, How Competitive Motherhood kicks in when baby is born, The 5 Second Rule, and No Sex in the City.

Enjoy us laughing about the challenges that moms go through and know that we all face similar situations.

Connecting with Mom Friends

During my adult years I have always been business oriented, I didn't get married until my late 30's, and didn't have my son until I was forty. So most of my friends were women with older children, or women without children, and as much as I love them for what they provide in friendship, they aren't at the same place that I am in regards to juggling a career, a relationship with my husband, and a toddler.

So it was so refreshing to go out to lunch with a friend that is at a similar place in her life. I met her while I was going through my infertility treatments. She and her husband were taking a medication class at the same time my husband and I were, while on our the first round of treatments; and then we reconnected, when the four of us showed at at another higher level medication class for further rounds of infertility treatments. The chances of us meeting again were millions to one -- and at that moment we knew there was a reason we were meeting up again. From that point forward we kept in touch as we both managed the process, and found ourselves pregnant at the same time, with each of us delivering a son within a 45 days of one another.

Since then she went back to the fertility clinic to get pregnant for a second time and found herself carrying twins, stuck on bed rest for the last four months of her pregnancy, and is now juggling three children under the age of 2.

And although we hadn't seen each other in many, many months (bed rest, delivery and recovery) as soon as we saw one another for lunch today and started talking, it was as if it was yesterday that we had seen each other. Our lives are so similar in the challenges that we face with raising little ones, managing our personal relationships, and keeping our sanity.

As our time together came to an end, neither one of us wanted to leave and get back to our lives, the camaraderie felt so good.....having someone else to talk with that really understood what you were going through. I know I am not the only one that craves that female friendship with other moms who are on the same level, going through the same challenges and finding compassion in like minded moms.

To all moms out there I wish for you a group of like minded women who you can talk with, share with, compare with, and raise your children with. Having friends is the best -- but having mom friends makes the journey even better!!

Talking Over Toddler

I can remember thinking when Zack was just a baby, that I couldn't wait until he could talk. I wanted to hear what he was thinking, have discussions with him about the world and everything in it, and listen to what is important to him. Now as he continues putting words together, I am amazed every day at how much of a sponge he is, soaking up everything around him, and what a great memory he has.

But the downside of that is, it now becomes difficult to talk around him!! When I am trying to have a conversation with my husband, or talk on the phone, he wants to be part of everything going on and it can sometimes cause breakdowns in my adult conversations.

Yesterday was a perfect example, my husband took the day off from work to get some odd jobs done around the house, and later in the afternoon while hanging out with Zack, we were talking about our upcoming schedules when Zack interrupted to say "No talk mommy, no talk." I stopped in mid sentence and stared at him. I was amazed, and dumb founded; he isn't even 2 years old yet and already he is starting to dictate to me!!

The balance now becomes helping him to maintain his strong willed, outspoken personality, while not having it lead to bad habits. With parents every day it is a constant struggle to guide their children, create boundaries and not stiffle their personalities.

It also forces me to figure out ways to not have a break down occur in my adult conversations as well because those relationships also need to flourish. Striking a balance!!

What Parents Should Know and May Not (FM)

This show hosted two nationally known experts in Alexis Martin Neely, a family legal expert and family wealth advisor, and Dr. J.J. Levenstein, MD, Pediatrician and founder of the company MDMoms. They have a wealth of information to share with new parents and they will both be regular contributors on my radio show.

For Alexis Neely, author of the book "Wear Clean Underwear", www.WearCleanUnderwear.com after reading her book I felt an immediate call to action regarding legal steps to protect my son. And I knew that the information she was sharing was knowledge that every parent should know and probably doesn't.

What happens if something fatal happens to you, the sitter or nanny is watching your children, you can't be found and your spouse is not easily accessible? Does your sitter have authority to take care of your children for the immediate time frame? And where are your documents naming a guardian for your children if both you and your husband happen to pass away at the same time? Do people know where to find those documents?

All are real serious questions that Alexis shares in her book, as well as on my show, along with 6 mistakes that couples make. Check out Family Matters on WebTalkRadio.net for crucial information that every parent needs.

She will also be on my show again soon talking about what a Personal Family Lawyer is and the benefits of hiring one to help your familly.

Then Dr. J.J. covers topics for new parents regarding issues with feeding a new baby, jaundice, cradle cap, ways to help your child from having a flat head, and what to look for if your baby is constantly spitting up. Tune in!

Going Green for Baby (FM)

It seems that everywhere you turn you are encountering ads for eco-friendly products, companies that are becoming more eco-sensitive, and suggestions as to how you can live more eco-responsible.

For this show I brought back The Baby Planners (www.thebabyplanners.com) to talk about how the baby industry was expanding by leaps and bounds in this area. And how new parents are making an effort to "go green" with their baby, because of their baby!!

They shared what they have learned by working with "Green Experts" in this industry, as well as some of their favorite organic, natural and sustainable products available for newborns. You can also check out their Ultrasound blog on their website to get more specifics.

Then Missy Adams, a Greening Your Nursery Expert from Seventh Generation shared her company's new collaboration with Healthy Child, Healthy World to create an eco-friendly diaper bag with 100% of the profits going to educate parents about environment safety. Missy also discussed 10 Green Nursery Tips.

I was very impressed with Seventh Generation -- in the products that they have created for baby such as chlorine free diapers, wipes and specially formulated Baby laundry detergent, and for their cleaning products for the home. I also appreciated their mission of being "the trusted brand for your living home."

Domestic & International Adoption (FM)

While there were 4.3 million births in the United States in 2007, about 20,000 of those children were adopted domestically, and another 20,000 children were adopted from overseas. So I wanted to talk about adoptions, the differences in domestic versus international, as well as the changes in certain countries now being closed for adoptions from the U.S. based on the Hague Convention. I talked with Rick Gibson with the Children's Home Society and Family Services Organization who has partnered with over a dozen countries to find loving homes for their children. He shared with me that Ethiopia and Russia are more open to U.S. adoption, while Guatamala and China are either closed or are slowing down the adoption process.

Jeanne Tate, an adoption attorney and founder of Heart of Adoptions also enlightened me about the huge number of children available for adoption through the Foster Care System in the United States. Helping these children is a passion of mine. When I lived in Florida I worked as a Guardian ad Litem, representing kids within the foster care system makings sure they received the services they needed and pushing them through the system faster. I then created a non-profit organization called For The Chidlren, to help children get adopted out of the system by creating a color catalog showing their beautiful faces that was distributed all over Hillsborough County, Florida. This was back in the early 90's before foster care had any marketing programs in place.

It seems, however, that although more marketing programs are in place, there is still a breakdown in helping prospective parents adopt these children out of the system and give them the loving and supportive homes that they truely desire.

Right now approximately 125,000 children are available for adoption in foster care and it doesn't cost anything to adopt these children, versus the thousands of dollars involved in a private adoption. Plus, the government is also providing tax credits, taking care of the cost of a home study, and funding for college tuition.

Contact Jeanne Tate to learn more if you are interested in adopting a child, want to provide a loving home to a child and really make a difference in their life!(www.FloridaAdoptionAgency.com)

Let's Talk About Sleep (FM)

Sleep is a common topic of coversation for new parents. Questions such as: Are you getting enough sleep? Is the baby sleeping through the night? How do I get my baby to sleep a solid 8 hours? And are you irritable and less patient because you are feeling sleep deprived?

To discuss this topic I brought on Gina Reilly, owner of Night Nannies for Newborns (www.nightnannies.org), a service that works night shifts taking care of the new baby and allowing parents to get the rest they need. When people hear night nannies, most think of a Baby Nurse -- but this position is different. Gina discussed the difference and spoke about how many clients have told her that her service "has saved their marriage." Because without sleep many overwhelmed new parents, find themselves fighting amongst themselves and causing undo conflicts. She also talked about how Night Nannies can assist new parents in learning how to teach their chidlren to sleep through the night (an added bonus).

So instead of new parents having to cope with sleep deprivation, possible conflicts in their marriage, and having their child not yet sleep through the night, a Night Nanny may be your answer.

Then Kim West, a Baby Sleep Coach, known as The Sleep Lady (www.TheSleepLady.com)shared several methods that she has developed to reteach babies to go back to sleep when they have disrupters interfere with their sleeping patterns. A few examples could be when a baby starts teething, or after having their schedule interrupted because of traveling, or due to an illness.

I know that with my son, he has changed his sleeping patterns many times over the last year and a half, and it always helps to have a resource that you can tap into for direction on keeping everyone on track.

Our Kids Mirror Our Emotions

When I was pregnant I wanted to keep my disposition calm and happy. I felt that everything I did, ate, and allowed into my realm contributed to the birth of my son. My feeling was that by speed walking I was keeping my body strong, by being happy and content, those feelings were being sent to my baby, and as I ate well that nutrition was also helping to grow my baby.

Well I am happy to report that my son is a happy, healthy little boy. But sometimes I forget that what I was doing before he was born, is also just as important now that he is an active participant in my life.

When he was a baby and I was calm and reassuring, he was calm and at peace. Now that he is a toddler, when I am right there with him and not having my mind caught up in a thousand things he is happy and just as involved with me. But when I am stressed and scattered he can sometimes seem just as edgy.

Sometimes I need to come back to the moment and see how my son is mirroring my emotions and tapping into how I am feeling. Right now when there is so much uncertainty in the world, remember that your children can tap into your feelings and if you are not strong and confident they can mirror those emotions back to you.

We need to live in the moment, not get caught up in the negativity and express pure love back to our children.

Nurturing Mom....and Dad (FM)

While the last couple of radio shows I have focused on subjects such as postpartum depression, recovery and healing of mom, I realized that it might be helpful to do a whole show about ways in which to nurture mom...and dad. Joining me again is Dr. Shoshana Bennett, Phd. whose specialty is mom's emotional and mental health.

Her and I had a wonderful exchange about the many ways that dad, family and friends can help to nurture mom and ultimately help her be the best that she can be. Several examples were to give her time to get out in nature, provide some sleep time, give her regular breaks throughout the week, and mom learning to ask for help when she needs it, and to set boundaries as the holidays approach so as to not burn out. And if mom is feeling overwhelmed, know that it is ok to reach out and get the support personally and professionally that is needed.

Then later on in the show I spoke with Milana Knowles with SpaFinder.com about her 5000 spas nationwide that pregnant and new moms can tap into to relieve any stress or anxiety, as well as physical ailments that a woman experiences during this transitional time in her life. We chatted about the benefits of pre-natal, swedish and hot stone massages. We talked about the many different packages and programs that spas have and how wonderful it is to spend a half day being pampered at a spa with a friend, sister, mother, or husband. And even how after baby turns 6 months, an overnight getaway to a spa for mom and dad may be just what the doctor orders for jump starting a relationship.

Milana also mentioned that if a woman is pregnant or is breastfeeding, she should always let the spa know when booking her appointment, and to let her service provider know so that person will not use certain products that could be harmful.

I enjoyed the conversation so much, it made me want to book an appointment at one of my favorite spas near my house, the Fountain Day Spa. I thoroughly enjoy having a hot whirlpool bath and then a hot stone massage to relieve my stress, clear my head and nurture my neck and back.

St. Gerard's Home for Unwed Mothers

When I was in Florida in August, while conducting a seminar and book signing for women "Starting Their Families" I was surprised to see 3 teenage girls from the nearby St. Gerard's Home for unwed mothers, attend my seminar. If anyone needed advice and encouragement while pregnant, it was these three girls. One was 18, one was 16, and one was 15. They all planned on keeping their babies, and I had to reflect on how challenging my first year was with my son, and what a difficult road these girls were facing.

They were kids themselves, with boyfriends somewhat involved, and huge financial struggles ahead of them. One girl had even been kicked out of her parents house because she was pregnant -- which led her to St. Gerard's. I couldn't even imagine the emotional struggle she is dealing with, not having her family to support her, at such a difficult time in her life!!

She was the one that shared with me the high number of teenagers becoming pregnant today -- 1 in 10 teenagers!! And how little information there was out there to give them advice and direction. What is to become of these children, that are being born to children??

To all parents out there that are struggling to juggle their children and their lives, just think about how much more difficult it would be if you were a teenager trying to raise a baby!!!

Recovery & Healing (FM)

Several weeks ago my radio show was focused on Labor and Delivery; and while mom's recovery was touched upon, I felt it was an important topic to discuss in length, as not enough attention is brought to the struggle new moms face once coming home from the hospital.

To me, the recovery of my son's birth was worse than the labor and delivery itself. While labor may last as long as one full day -- a woman's recovery could take up to four weeks (based on any complications). And those 4 weeks are not filled with sleeping, laying on the couch or resting ones body so it can heal. Those weeks encompass little sleep, the constant needs of a newborn, swirling emotions, and the repercussions of trauma a mothers body has gone through.

Which is why I wanted to talk with Rachel Mahan, a postpartum doula and baby nurse, founder of Bella Bambini, about how her assistance can make a huge difference in the swift recovery of a new mom after delivery. If I had known about her services before I had my son, I would have definitely hired her to help me and my husband through that difficult first few months of recovery, healing and becoming new parents.

Joys of Motherhood

From the day of his birth Zack has been the light of my life, but at 19 months I found that this was the most enjoyable time with my son.

For the first year he was totally dependent on me for everything. But through the next six months following, he developed into a walking, talking, running, eating on his own, playing on his own and with others, little person.

At 19 months he became so much fun -- watching his facial expressions, his excitement in discovering the world around him, listening to his language develop and the way he expresses his thoughts. He can play and interact with Jeff and I, adding so much dimension to our lives. And I love observing who this little boy is growing into as a person. Each day brings new experiences.

Sometimes I am amazed at how special he is and what joy and light he shares with the people around him, and the people he interacts with. He is always so happy and engaging. Saying hello to everyone he meets, flashing his big smile and waving in their direction; very few people can resist his enthusiasm.

I thank God every day for this happy and healthy little guy and how lucky I am to have him in my life.

Now at 22 months today, I am amazed by all that he can say and the little conversations we are now having. Two precious moments that pulled on my heart strings was when I was leaving his sitters house and he waved and said "good bye mommy" and then said "hug, hug." So I went over to hug him, and then he gave me a kiss, and waved again to let me know he was going off to play. At that moment I felt he was definitely growing up....And then two weeks ago when we were driving in the car, he said something from the backseat, and I wasn't sure what he said so I asked him, and this time he clearly said "mommy pretty." I was so overwhelmed with joy. I gave him a big smile and said "thank you honey." He became just as happy with my response, and then repeated mommy pretty several times.

Ah, the Joy of Motherhood.

The Pre-School Dilemma (FM)

While most parents are not even thinking about a pre-school until their child hits the age of 2; other parents are stressing about the pre-school situation while still pregnant. These parents are city dwellers, and their friends have been discussing their own anxiety of how their little ones will get into a top tier pre-school when the demand for an opening far outweighs supply.

On my radio show I had an opportunity to talk with Amanda Uhry, founder of Manhattan Private School Advisors about this problem. She is an expert on this subject because her company's whole focus is to help parents across the country get their kids into hyper competitive pre-schools. Her company is located in New York City where Tribeca is now being termed Triburbia, and there are 700,000 more kids under age 5 than ever before. While having 3 kids is now the "new 2" -- there are now more children than spots available in city pre-schools. And while the answer should be to just build more schools, it is difficult to do in the city where real estate is limited and expensive, and insurance is costly.

So in lies parents concerns about what to do. In our competitive world, what used to be that middle school determined the best high school and then college -- now it is what pre-school your child starts at will determine their schooling from then on...

Which brings me to Jody Martin, Director of Education and Curriculum at Creme de la Creme Early Learning Centers, a day care, pre-school and kindergarten all in one. It is an upscale environment created in a 21,000 square foot facility that has a Disney World feel, a great enrichment program for kids and provides and easy transition from pre-school into kindergarten.

They currently have 20 locations across the country and are adding 5 more locations in 2009. (Although not in cities where pre-schools are in high demand.) I was impressed with their curriculum which combined social skills, with playing, and with learning.

With my work with younger kids -- many times I am advising parents to enroll their children into a pre-school that is focused on social skills, while other times kids will have the social skills, but will need a more curriculum based environment. With Creme de la Creme, parents can be assured that their children are getting both.

With social skills being such an important part of a child's foundation, for peer interaction in the future, I am always amazed at how many children are not receiving those skills early on!!

Bonding With Daddy

There are a lot of moms that need to travel for work and leave their young children at home. I discovered first hand how difficult that is when I went off to Las Vegas for a few days to attend the largest baby expo in the country.

Those few days were defining for me. It was the first time I had traveled alone on the plane without my son, since his birth, and it caused flashbacks to when I would travel all the time for work, unencumbered. I was feeling caught between two realities -- the one of a career woman (before baby) and the other of being a responsible mom (traveling for work).

It was also the first time my husband was solely responsible for our son, for more than overnight. My thoughts wandered to how would they do? How would Zack's naps and bedtimes go, and how would Jeff manage for a few days without assistance?

I knew that if all went well, it would be much easier to travel again for business --but if there were a lot of challenges, it would make it harder for me to leave town (emotionally and mentally).

Luckily, those few days became a great bonding time for both Jeff and Zack. Jeff had dedicated time with our son without me being there, and Zack got a chance to hang out with dad and bond. And the bedtimes seemed to go easier for Jeff than I imagined!!

Those few days also provided a great opportunity for me to also get some sleep without having to get up with Zack at 6:15 am. Where in my previous reality I would have gone out on the town and gotten back to the room later in the evening; now, by 9:00pm all I wanted to do was to crawl into bed and get some sleep!!

My how times have changed!!

The ABC Expo Explodes with Mompreneurs(FM)

As I walked aisle after aisle in Las Vegas, I was amazed by all the different products created by moms, because they saw a need and wanted to share their idea. Many were exhibiting for the first time and really launching their company at the show: while other companies have been around a couple of years and were receiving "buzz" and a positive response from retailers and consumers.

One of those companies is Boogie Wipes -- which grabbed my attention right away. I received a press release about their product and company right before the show and had to stop by to see them in person. Mindy and Julie, the inventors of Boogie Wipes, are two high energy women who were tired of chasing after their kids with runny noses and having the hard tissues pushed away...so they created a soft wipe made with saline for runny and stuffy noses. That to me sounded ingenious since my son was always stuffed up as a baby, and he hated having the saline spray squirted up his nose.

Mindy and Julie agreed to be on my show with The Baby Planners (which they knew very well -- no surprise there) to talk about the last year and how they have been on a wild ride, bringing their idea into reality, creating a fun name, putting together fabulous packaging, and setting marketing into place. Not to mention all the hard work that went into being able to produce almost $3 million dollars in sales by the end of this year.

We had fun chatting it up and I can definitely see them becoming regulars on my show, talking about the mompreneur aspect of creating a company based on a need discovered by having kids. And the best part of being a mompreneur is doing something that you love and having the flexibility to be there for your kids, because time with them goes by so fast!!

The ABC Expo in Las Vegas (FM)

Before my son was born, almost 2 years ago, I was doing some consulting work for American Express, while building my business and I was traveling at least once a month. Once my son was born I was breastfeeding and didn't want to travel overnight the first year.

Throughout these past ten months, after his first birthday, I did do a couple of overnights; but my first big trip took place two weeks ago when I flew to Las Vegas for the biggest Baby Expo in the country. It took up two entire floors on the south end of the Las Vegas Convention Center, and took me almost 3 days to see most of it. Although I will admit that I flew passed the furniture and bedding areas (which were huge).

If I felt that the baby product industry was large before, this expo really solidified that fact...no wonder new moms are overwhelmed with the number of choices available to them. How do you know what you really need, which products are right for you, and which items you can live without?

On this weeks show, I brought back The Baby Planners from Los Angeles; the pioneers of the baby planning industry in the U.S.. Since the inception of their company, they have been intensely researching the baby product market, testing out strollers, car seats, accessories, etc...everything for baby; so they can provide solid information for their clients about what is best for them. They have also become my Baby Product Experts and are joining my Family Matters Radio Team as regular contributors on my show.

We swapped stories about the ABC show and they provided their Top Picks of products they uncovered while at market.

Breastfeeding & Postpartum Depression (FM)

This was a very interesting show and both topics are the most talked about with new moms because no woman can control either one. An expectant mom can't really practice breastfeeding before baby arrives and ultimately the baby will determine how breastfeeding goes. And with 15% of new mothers being effected by postpartum depression, it becomes a question of whether you become part of that statistic.

Tamara Hawkins, a maternity nurse and certified Lactation Consultant with her own practice www.StorkandCradle.com provided a lot of information on the subject of breastfeeding. If I were to have a problem breastfeeding my baby once I got home from the hospital, I would feel very comfortable having her come to my house to help me.

Then Dr. Shoshana Bennett, PhD, a pioneer in the field of prenatal and postpartum depression enlightened me on the whole postpartum situation. I had no idea that 15-20% of pregnant women could also fall victim to pre-natal depression -- that was quite an eye opener to me. And discussing the ways that new moms can prevent postpartum were important keys for any new mom.

If anyone is interested in learning more about pre-natal or postpartum depression I totally recommend Dr. Bennett's book -- Postpartum Depression for Dummies. I learned a lot and it was a very easy read!

Labor and Delivery (FM)

In this show I wanted to talk about the nitty gritty of Labor and what really happens in the delivery room! Which is not what you find in most of the expectant mother books available.

There are several different child birth classes to choose from, learning about each one and choosing the right one for you is the first step. I chose Lamaze, and although there wasn't a lot I learned from the class (since I had already been practicing breathing in my Yoga classes) -- what I did learn was the various stages of labor. That became important for me because I wanted to work through the stages without having an epidural. However, more important than that, was the bonding experience my husband and I shared as we went to the class together each week. I also think that he gained a lot of information about how to help me and become an active partner through the delivery process.

Kimmelin Hull, as a childbirth educator, shared with me the differences between a midwife and a doula -- which I get questions about a lot. A midwife is similar to an OB/Gyn but much more hands on, being there through the whole birthing process and delivering the baby as well. While a doula is more of an advocate for the parents through the birthing process. She is with mom from the beginning of her labor, helping her work through the pain while at home, and then goes with the parents to the hospital when she feels she is close to delivering, to become the voice for them in dealing with the hospital and their procedures. And as Kimmelin explained, with a doula there is a 50% decrease in c-sections because she is there speaking for the mother.

Then Ilona DeSantis, RNC shared with me the "real deal" of what happens in the delivery room -- information that most expectant moms do not know. We talked about how the nurse is with you during most of the delivery process, with the doctor showing up at the end to deliver the baby. And we chatted about the big topics such as having an epidural, breaking your water, receiving pitossin, and the recovery process after delivery.

Ilona and I could have continued talking for another hour -- there was so much that wasn't discussed. I am sure I will have her on the show again, specifically to address the whole subject of delivering twins and triplets.

Being a Mom -- Creating a Business (FM)

As I explored women that are reinventing their career for their kids -- I saw more and more moms creating their own companies for the flexibility. They were also creating companies based on a need they saw in the marketplace for a product or service -- because they were moms.

Gretchen Menzies developed www.Essentialmom.com as a local resource guide in her community dealing with everything parents because there wasn't anything out there. She is now getting 250,000 hits a month to her website.

Nina Frye and Cindi Schmitzer had been wanting to start a business of their own, and then one day the humor of their chaotic life as moms sparked an idea. "Living the Dream" was born. They developed t-shirts with funny depictions of mom in her many roles to remind mom to laugh more....

Since the show I have been amazed at the companies in this particular industry that were started by moms -- mompreneurs -- and what has mushroomed.

Today's children are definitely a huge influence and they don't even realize it!

Reinventing Your Career (FM)

There is an interesting trend that has been taking place. Ten to fifteen years ago women were pushing ahead with their career and their children were worked into the equation. It became a tough juggling act to provide the best for their child; but on the career side, they had worked to hard to get where they are and didn't want to jeopardize their position.

Today women are making different choices with their careers. They have decided to take a hiatus from their careers or reinvent their career for the sake of their children.

This show was an example of two women who were burned out from their careers, and wanted to do something different. They also wanted to spend more dedicated time with their children.

By creating something new -- they also provided two cool companies that give moms an opportunity. Catherine Clifford with YourOnRamp.com created a website and company for all the talented moms out there that had been taking a hiatus from their job and are now looking to get back in the career game, but on a more flexible schedule. This company provides the answer. It also helps moms create a better "off ramp" so that when they are ready to go back they will have done all the right things to make it easier.

Then Barbara Jones started One2One Network, where moms can learn about new products and services and have fun, while doing it. She is providing research to companies about what moms like and don't like and moms get to share their opinions.

It becomes a win, win for everyone as children are playing a role in their moms career choices.

Regaining My Equilibrium

The interesting part of my trip away to Florida with Zack was seeing the difference in him while away (hanging on me, being so needy and whiney) which he isn't normally at all. Then when we arrived back home on saturday afternoon, he was back to his normal self -- happy to play with his toys and run around the house, without needing me! I was able to go upstairs and take care of some chores, go to the basement and let the dogs out, and he was fine.

Then on monday when I dropped him off at his sitters, he never looked back at me, as he went running off to play!!

I, on the other hand, needed a coffee and to sit outside, in the sun, and breathe.... for about an hour to regain my equilibrium. I had totally felt out of sorts emotionally and physically, after having to cope with Zack's clinginess to me, his demanding moods, his overstimulation and crying spats, with less than adequate sleep, without much help and no real break for myself for 10 full days. (It had been constant)

Amazing how a little person can totally throw my body, mind and emotions out of kilter.

It literally took me a whole day to get back to my balanced self, and get back on track!

Stresses of Traveling With Toddler (Part II)

One way to alleviate stress was to not travel with extra items that I could arrange another way. That way came in the form of www.visitingbaby.com -- a national company that rented everything needed for baby and toddlers. I was able to rent a crib and booster seat for Zack, for my mother-in-law's house and it was great -- they arranged to deliver it, set it up, and came by to pick up when I left. Which was ideal when I arrived at the house with Zack asleep in the backseat of my rental car (worn out); I was able to pick him up, carry him into the bedroom, and place him in the ready made crib!

Although what I wasn't prepared for was his disrupted sleep the first night while getting acclimated to a new place, and as we ended up sharing a room, I didn't sleep well most of the week. I have now become an extremely light sleeper, after becoming a mom, and any noises he would make, would wake me up! So little sleep did not help in the way of patience.

And the biggest stressor that I didn't account for was him not handling the transition of house to house very well. He is normally very independent and will want me, but if he knows I am around he is fine. But while away, he didn't want me out of his sight, which made walking out of the room difficult, and he would break down in tears if I even went to the bathroom or tried to take a shower.

It was also difficult for family members that don't get to see him that often, they weren't sure what to do or how to calm him down. Needless to say, it was an extremely difficult week -- no matter how many solutions I tried to put in place!

Stresses of Traveling with Toddler (Part I)

I knew that when I went down to Florida last week for work, and visiting family, that is was going to be rough -- as I would be traveling with Zack, without my husband. He needed to stay in New Jersey for work and couldn't come with us. So I started figuring out every possible scenario that could create problems for me and ways to make my trip as easy as I could.

Knowing that I would be pushing Zack in a stroller, bringing a carry-on piece of luggage on the plane (for all of Zack's essentials, as well as my purse items) and then would be checking in a bag, I knew I couldn't take anything else with us. Which meant that I would need to rent a car seat, a booster seat and a crib for wherever we would be. The car seat seemed easier, as I would rent it with my rent-a-car once I got to Florida. Which sounds easy enough -- until you realize that most of the local car rental locations do not carry car seats. The primary location for arranging a car seat for a baby/toddler is at the airport.

So my original option of my sister picking us up at the airport and then renting a car a few days later became a problem. So I needed to rethink my original strategy. The other part of my plan was that my sister would spend time with Zack and I in Jacksonville, FL and help with him when I was working. Then she would drive with us over to Orlando to spend time with my brother and his family, and then over to Tampa to finish up our visit and get work done over there. So instead of her driving us around, I had her fly from Tampa to Jacksonville, and I then rented a car at the airport with a car seat for Zack. I then picked her up about 90 minutes later and we drove over to stay at my mother-in-laws house.

But of course asking for a car seat is not as easy as one would think -- especially when you are traveling with a toddler by yourself. You would think that the car rental place would have the car seat already set up in your car, as requested. But according to safety regulations they are not allowed to put it in your car -- so as any new parent will attest, putting a car seat into a car is not an easy feat! Especially when your toddler is screaming for you, struggling to get out of their stroller, and run around like crazy in the parking garage.....which can really test your patience and nerves! By this time my son wanted out -- he had spent the entire morning traveling from home -- to the airport -- through security -- being held in the waiting area -- getting onto the plane -- and flying 2 or so hours......Needless to say Zack was tired of being tied down and wanted to be FREE!

So after I sweated through installing a car seat, and trying to calm my son down enough to get into that seat (another form of confinement) to drive to get something to eat, and wait for my sister, so we could drive another 45 minutes....I was frazzled, exhausted and ready to get to my destination!

How do I keep him happy, keep myself together and manage to do it all with a smile on my face???? (not an easy task)

Stepping Off the Corporate Ladder (FM)

I felt that this topic was a very important one to cover for expectant and new mothers. In today's world more women have graduated college, have worked hard on their careers, and have achieved successful and powerful positions, before deciding to embark on having a family.

So what happens when a woman brings this beautiful baby into the world and suddenly her priorities shift. She doesn't feel as fulfilled in her job as she once did, and she instead wants to be with her child full-time? Is it a bad thing for her to want to put her career on hold, to share the first few years of her child's life at home -- providing a strong foundation, and experiencing those precious years, which are so fleeting?

I would say definitely not! And instead, I would applaud any woman that decides to make that transition to a stay-at-home mom. But making the decision to give up their career, which has been their identity most of their adult life, to become known as "mom" can be a tough transition.

But I believe that women today can achieve anything they set out to do, and I applaud this generation of moms who are taking the time to nurture their children. As we are now seeing -- those same women that have decided to take a break from their corporate careers are redefining themselves as moms, and as career women!

Don't allow the fear of the unknown to keep you from following your heart -- because if you follow your heart -- everything will work out for the best! And the benefit of that will ultimately be your child!!

Support Network

A little over nine years ago I moved from Florida to Connecticut -- away from my family and friends, to get a fresh start on my life. I had originally planned on moving back -- but after meeting my husband, who lived in New Jersey, I found myself staying up north.

Over the years it has been difficult living so far away from Florida -- but never as hard as when I became pregnant and gave birth to my son Zack. Without that support network of aunts, uncles and grandparents to help raise my child, makes life that much more challenging; especially the first few weeks after having a c-section when I could have really used the help!!

I watch other moms in my community that have their mothers, sisters, and brothers to help take their kids for a respit, to get things done around the house, to go away overnight, and who babysit on a regular basis. I feelt hat I am missing out on so much by not having my family close by. And even though my husband has lived in New Jersey for most of his adult life, his mother, grandparents and uncle all live in Florida as well.

There have been so man times over the last 20 months when I would have given anything to have my sister close by to help with Zack -- or my mom to come by and pick him up for an afternoon, or even to take him overnight, to give me a breather and have a few hours to myself. The times that Jeff, Zack and I have gone down to Florida to visit -- my family has babysat and given us a chance to go out to dinner alone, and have some quality time together.

Having that alone time is so important in a relationship and it helps when you don't have to pay a babysitter, on top of the cost of dinner or a date night!

So I recommend highly to anyone starting a family, try to live close to your family, because having a support network in place is so important!! As the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child -- in today's world -- it takes a support network to raise a child!

Stay-At-Home Dads (FM)

When thinking about who is going to be the primary care provider for your child, more and more dads are agreeing to become At-Home Dads, while their wives are working. According to a U.S. Census survey released in 2006, there are over 160,000 stay-at-home dads (SAHDs) in the United States; which is 2.7 percent of the country's stay-at-home parents -- almost triple the percentage from a decade ago.

I appreciated hearing from Robb and Mike about their view on being at home with their kids. Robb, a father of 2 1/2 year old twins, has taken the approach of connecting himself to a group of like minded fathers, in his community, so that he can meet with them for a play group once a week, he gets together with the fathers once a month for a guys night out, and has attended several conferences held each year for Stay-at-home dads -- to learn what other dads are doing and how they are managing their new roles. I was amazed that even while living in Omaha, NE, instead of a suburb outside of a major city, there were quite a few at home dads that were involved in his group. Tap into their website to learn more www.athomedads.org.

Then with Mike, I was able to see another viewpoint. Mike is considered a stay-at-home dad because he is home during the day with his son, and now 4 month old daughter, but he is also juggling a freelance writing career at nights, on the weekends, and in between naps. So his focus is spending time with his kids and juggling his career -- instead of branching out into the community to seek out other at-home dads. Although I truely appreciated the fact that he taps into his strong family support network to make this juggle work, and also as an outlet for his kids.

It doesn't matter if you are a stay-at-home mom, or a stay-at-home dad, the challenges are the same -- keeping your kids busy all day, managing their schedule of feedings and naps, and not allowing the daily interaction of infants, toddlers or pre-schoolers to turn your mind to mush. As well as lose your self-esteem along the way, while doing the most important job, that many times gets overlooked and is underappeciated.

So I salute all the stay-at-home dads out there that have taken on this role, and are making a major contribution to their child's life by providing a strong foundation for the future.

Respecting My Time

I am writing this blog, as a Shout Out to all you Moms and Dads, to see if anyone else has run into this problem in the past!! Please post me if you have!

Yesterday, I called my primary physician's office, to see if I could get in for a quick look at my ankle. Over the weekend I had gotten bitten by something, on my ankle, and it proceeded to swell up. get bumpy and a red rash started forming all around my foot. I was hoping that it wasn't infected and the cortizone cream I was putting on it, didn't seem to be helping.

Luckily she did have a segment of time available and they scheduled me for an appointment at 3:10 in the afternoon.

Being respectful of other people's time, I finished up some work, got in my car, drove the 25 minutes to my doctors office and arrived at exactly 3:10 for my appointment. When I entered the Valley Women's practice, the waiting room was full. I checked in with the receptionist, paid my co-pay and proceeded to find an empty chair and a magazine to read -- thinking that she would see me shortly.

I breezed through the magazine, looked up to see that some people had gone in, a few more people had arrived after me, signed in and were also waiting......30 minutes has now passed....and I look around for a second magazine -- wondering when my name will be called. I read through that magazine, and the waiting room proceeds to empty out as most of the people have been called in to see their doctor. 50 minutes and counting, and I am starting to get a little annoyed. How long do I have to wait for a simple check up of my foot? And what about those other people that came in after me, they have gone in already?

I grab another magazine and fly through it because I am really not interested in anything right now except seeing the doctor and leaving -- there are a zillion other things I could be doing with my time besides sitting here waiting to be seen. Finally, a little over an hour, I walk up to the receptionist and ask her what could be taking so long, and that I have been waiting here for over an hour. She looks right through me, as though it is not her problem, and proceeds to find my chart posted on the wall, waiting for the doctor. She tells me I am next.

I go back to my purse, but cannot sit any longer. I start pacing....looking at flyers posted on the walls, reading brochures that are set up as takeaways on the side tables, and make note that I am the last person waiting in the lobby area.

Finally, a nurse calls my name and I follow her to one of the back rooms. She wants to take my blood pressure and I explain that at this point it is probably going to be high, because I have been waiting for an hour and 20 minutes for the doctor. She apologizes, takes my blood pressure and then fills in the chart with information about why I am here to see the doctor. As she is leaving, she ASSURES me that the doctor will be in, no more than 5 minutes. (wrong again)

10 minutes later the doctor finally comes in the office to see me. (Now mind you, she is a wonderful person, with a warm and caring personality -- which is why I am here to see her -- but really) I explain my situation, she assures me that my ankle is not infected, that it looks like I had an allergic reaction to the bug bite. She gives me a perscription for an ointment to put on it and recommends that I take Bendryl to fight off the allergy. (I am done within 5 minutes).

But I cannot hold my tongue at this point. As we are starting to walk out of her office, I shared with her that "for future reference" if she is 40 minutes behind when someone comes to sign in for their appointment, it would be really helpful if the receptionist would have passed along that information. In my case if I would have been given that information I would have accepted it and then chosen to walk over to Starbucks next door to get a coffee, I could have than made a couple of phone calls and I wouldn't have felt that my time was wasted. But instead I felt like I was held captive for all that time, and that my time was not respected.

I then added that I Don't Know Any Woman that has 1 - 2 hours to waste. Does she? Then in her soft, warm manner she went on to explain that my wait time was a little excessive, but there were some older people ahead of me that took longer, and they don't like us to "stray too far" in case they call me -- but the norm is an hour wait!!!!

Upon hearing that I proceeded to leave and was just totally floored!! Instead of trying to take my advice about giving her receptionist a heads up.....instead she talked about how a few other patients had increased my "normal wait time from an hour, to 30 minutes longer......but the normal wait time is usually an hour!!!"

Unbelieveable, I mean than why even schedule me for a 3:10 appointment, instead I should have arrived at 4:10 pm to be on time!

Thank goodness I am a very healthy person -- I am rarely sick and never see a doctor, except for my yearly gynecology exam. So I haven't been in the situation where I have had to wait like this for a doctor. Even when I was going through my infertility treatments, and when I was pregnant with my son -- both doctor's offices had me in and out rather quickly. And even my pediatrician has me in and out!

This is why I was so annoyed -- if other doctors that I have seen respect my time enough to get me in and out rather quickly -- shouldn't all doctors be that way??

My question to moms out there is -- have you found this to be a norm at doctors offices and if so, how long have you had to wait? Does it truely annoy you, to be wasting your precious time while you are waiting to be seen, or are you so used to it that you come prepared by bringing a book, and you just expect to have to wait?

I think it is really the responsibility of the doctor to work their schedule more efficiently to not allow this long wait time in their office. But if it does happen, as things do come up, they should pass along the delay to their receptionist so the patient that is waiting feels respected and can now make decisions about their time!!!

Maintaining Balance of Work and Baby

This is the hardest part of being a mom. How to be a successful at work, maintain an identity that is not just being mom, but also spend quality time helping to shape, nurture and guide your child to become a strong, independent person.

I am constantly working at balancing the right amount of time away at work -- that time away allows me to be the person I am, and it also provides an example to my son of a role model that hopefully he will respect. In the right environment, the time that he spends away from me will also provide further growth opportunities for him -- by being with other kids and interacting with other role models.

Then when I am with him, I try to spend that dedicated time with him, with as little work interruptions as possible.

How to find and achieve that balance is an ongoing struggle, but knowing what your goal is -- provides a template to shoot for.

As Time Moves On

In my last blog I wrote about the sitter I found, for my son Zack, once I went back to work. Well, as with everything in life, not all things stay the same. My sitter was very open to helping me on a part-time basis, as I eased back into a full time work load. However, when I needed to expand the amount of hours she was watching Zack, that became more of a problem. (Remember she still has 6 children of her own, and suddenly she was also becoming the main caretaker for her ailing father) -- So I needed to find a back-up person to handle watching my son, a couple days a week.

While I really liked my sitter, and Zack was very comfortable with her and her children, I also needed to take care of my work responsibilites and make sure that my son was taken care of. (which meant, that if my work was getting done, and he was taken care of, all was right with the world)

But finding someone you can trust and is a good role model, is not always easy. I continued to put off the search, and continue limping along, until I couldn't do it any longer! But as I had consciously made a decision to find my first sitter, once I started searching for someone, the second one that I found, came to me right away. She was just the person I was looking for!!

And what I love about her watching Zack a couple days a week is that there is a nice balance between the two environments. This new sitter has a lot of experience working with and teaching smaller children, so he is having fun at her house, but is also learning and is being exposed to a wealth of "pre-school" concepts at an early age.

Then when he goes over to his first sitter's house he has fun and just plays with the kids -- which gives him more social skills experience. And now I am not over taxing my original sitter because she gets a break two days a week -- and my work schedule gets covered! It is a win-win situation.

So, with everything else with Motherhood, if you understand that everything changes, and nothing ever stays the same -- and the best way to approach life is to be flexible -- your daily existance will be less frustrating.

Child Care Options (FM)

Another big decision for couples is who will be nurturing their baby on a daily basis? The fact is that the first few years of a child's life are the formative years. Does a parent want to go back to work and have those years shaped by someone else? Which is why so many parents choose to have either the mother, or father stay at home, for those first few years, to provide a solid, nurturing foundation for their child.

But if that option is not available, the next challenge is, who will take care of baby? Can a relative babysit while mom is working, is childcare an option, or do you go the route of finding a babysitter or nanny?

I know for me, finding the right person to watch my son when I went back to work weighed heavily on my mind. It became my main focus when I was pregnant, because the last thing I wanted to do was to go back to work and be concerned about my child. I needed to focus on work at work, and focus on my son when I was with him.

Luckily for me, I had my own business (a preplanned decision) so I could be flexible on when I worked and how much I needed a sitter. Then as Zack grew, I increased the time that he was at the sitter --providing a nice balance between time spent with me and time spent away -- gaining his own independence and social skills with other kids.

Parents need to be conscious of the type of person they want to help raise their child. I was lucky to find a mother of six children, who had four of her kids in school most of the day; leaving the other two at home to play with Zack. I felt confident that with all her experience, if something came up, she would be able to handle it.

I also saw how patient and loving she was with her children, and I knew that my son would thrive in that environment. She also has strong christian values and does not subscribe to cable tv in her house. So her children are not glued in front of the television -- they are busy playing with each other and involved in various activities.

Zack also became very close to my sitters two younger children, and by having other kids to play with he was able to socialize and develop his communication skills on a daily basis.

I am very fortunate to have her and her family in Zack's life and especially to provide that peace of mind for me when I am working!

What type of environment do you want your child to grow up in while you are away working?

Family Financial Planning (FM)

Before having a baby most couples are living in the moment. Each person has been bringing income into the relationship, monthly bills are taken care of, a life insurance policy may, or may not be in place, and contributions may have been deducted weekly towards a 401 (k). But often times a long term financial plan in not in place.

With the upcoming birth of a baby -- a child that will be totally dependent on its parents -- future financial plans should be put in place. But to do that each person needs to talk through certain aspects first.

Questions such as:
~ How do we pay for hospital and doctor bills?
~ How do we prepare financially for mom being out of work for three months?
~ Is there life insurance in place to take care of the baby if something happens to one parent? Is there enough to take care of that baby long term?
~ How do we handle added baby expenses, especially for the first year?
~ Can we afford, once going back to work, to pay child care expenses each month?
~ Do we want to start an education plan, or set up a savings account for the baby?
~ How much extra will it cost each month to add baby to our health insurance?

All of these questions should be discussed and agreed upon before the birth of baby, to have a financial base organized.

Questions like these and others can be found in my new book "101 Questions for Expectant Parents: Preserving Your Relationship Through the Transition." I developed it as a talking tool for couples to discuss these important issues before baby arrives -- in order to eliminate any possible conflicts.

You can order it through www.Amazon.com.

Maternity & Paternity Benefits (FM)

When gearing up for the birth of your baby, one aspect that plays an important role is how to take the time off necessary for delivering a baby, and nurturing that baby for the first three month's of it's life.

In the scheme of life, it should be an automatic, because what is more important than having that dedicated time to bring a miracle into being. However, in the real world, money, job responsibilities and security play important roles.

So finding out what expenses your health insurance covers regarding hospital and doctor bills is a priority. As well as what your employer is providing for time off from work, job security while away, and financial contributions during your three month leave.

Preparing ahead for upcoming bils and expenses that a new baby brings, will eliminate any concerns about finances, if money is already put aside. When a baby arrives, couples are overwhelmed with managing the needs of a newborn, and learning how to work together as a team -- the last thing new parents need to be concerned about is money issues!!

So do your homework!!

One Stop Shopping -- Conserve Energy (FM)

The Family Matters radio show that I did featuring Destination Maternity and Babies R'Us was based on the concept of spending time wisely. Instead of going to three different places to buy maternity clothes, or shopping at several stores for baby furniture, and putting a registry in place, conserve energy by making as few trips as possible.

I know that in my case, putting my baby registry together was a huge task. I must have spent a few hours just researching the big items I would need, and then a couple of trips to Babies R'Us to get the main items organized. But with one place housing it all -- it made my life that much easier. And with the ability to add all the smaller items to my registry online, whenever I had time, became a huge time saver. (I also bought everything for the baby's nursery there as well)

When I was pregnant I was extremely exhausted all the time. I was not only managing my business, keeping the house together, dealing with our two dogs, walking for exercise to keep my body in shape for the upcoming delivery, but also doing everything to gear up for our expectant baby!! It can be extremely overwhelming!

I was also so used to going and doing, and hammering out a long to do list every day -- that it became very frustrating when I suddenly wasn't able to do it all. I had to stop and listen to my body......and sit down to rest, take breaks, not push myself, and instead pace myself to accomplish my to do list over a week, rather than a couple of days. I needed to remember that this was not about me, but about creating a healthy little baby.

So when I did need new clothes for my ever changing body, It helped to shop at one store for work clothes, casual clothes, and bras, while also picking up energy bars and belly cream as well.

Life is busy enough, but then add pregnancy and the list of tasks that need to get done before baby arrives -- it helps to find ways to conserve energy and work smarter, not harder!!

Being Away

There are some vacations that are filled with visiting family and friends, attending celebratory events, or are packed with an agenda of things to do. The best vacation for me is one spent at the beach, and near a pool. I don't want to have any type of agenda, except to go with the flow, relax, and live totally in the moment.

My real world existence is filled with a never ending 'to do' list, responsibilities, expectations, and time deadlines. While away, I just want to exit from the real world and spend quality time outdoors, soaking up the sun, and enjoying my family, without any distractions.

This past vacation was the best! We spent the week on a private island on the coast of South Carolina, away from traffic and commercialism, and just communed with nature.

Every day Jeff, Zack and I would get up, have a leisurely morning, and then pack up the stroller to take a 10 minute walk to the ocean for Zack to chase the seagulls, run in the water and dig in the sand. There were very few people there so we were able to experience the environment with little intrusion.

Then after awhile, we would stroll from the ocean to the pool, and spend the rest of the morning with me laying on a chaise lounger, watching Jeff and Zack enjoy bonding time in the water. Zack would jump off the edge of the pool to daddy, they would splash around together in the lower end, play with his water toys, and enjoy the other kids that were around each day. Then after lunch and a nap it would be back outdoors enjoying some activity together.

I believe that dedicated time, every day, really helped to solidify Jeff's relationship with Zack. Before our vacation Zack would spend time with dad, but there was still a lot of "mommy, mommy" -- now there is an equal amount of "daddy, daddy."

The week we spent away becomes one of those priceless moments that will always be held dear in our minds because it provided quality time experiencing.....what is really important in life!

Going Away on Vacation

Vacation is the best part of life.....the bad part is getting ready to go away, and then recovering when you get back. A few weeks ago I was gearing up to go out of town for a week long retreat, with my son and husband!! I had been looking forward to it for a couple of months -- to get away from the phone, the computer, e-mail, house responsibilities, and our two dogs!! (they go off to doggie camp)

But before I could get away to relax, I had to live through getting my business organized to leave, and finish up any outstanding projects that are due. I also had to not only pack for myself (and somewhat for my husband), but I had to pack up all of Zack's "essentials" that a toddler requires! Which means that we are not flying anywhere, but are packing up our SUV (to the brim) for our week long getaway and driving to our destination.

With a toddler, you just can't go away, without taking half of your house with you. He requires a pack-n-play to sleep in, (can't sleep in a regular bed yet) a booster seat for eating at the table, the stroller for long walks, a water vest for going in the pool (too young to swim by himself), swimmie diapers, diapers, wipes, sippy cups, snacks, toys, portable dvd player and dvd's for the long ride, etc...

Plus, while we are away, we wanted to have a major paint job done in our house.....so I also had to pack up everthing that was on counters, or dressers, on the walls, and put them away so the items wouldn't be covered in dust. (another job to add to my 'to do' list)

So by the time I got in the car on friday morning; loaded up with suitcases, bags, my husband and son, I was exhausted....mentally and physically. It literally took me a couple of days to finally relax and unwind.

But then I was doing the "I only have 5 days left.....I only have 4 days left....I only have 3 days left" in my head during the week. I didn't want to leave the oasis of the beach, with no traffic and no pressures, just dedicated one-on-one time with my family!

However, all good things must come to an end -- after a glorious relaxing week in the sun, surf and pool, we arrived back home on sunday afternoon to discover our house totally transformed! And I had to unpack from our trip, and unpack the boxes within our house.....to gear up for the week ahead.

That night I could hardly sleep, as I constantly addressed in my head all that I needed to do that week and everything that had to be taken care of.

There went the rest I enjoyed while away, as I got back on the treadmill!

Choosing a Pediatrician (FM)

One of the most important decisions that expectant parents can make, is choosing a pediatrician for their unborn child. This person will become a partner in raising a healthy child. From the day a baby is born, that child will be monitored by a pediatrician pretty closely for the first few years of its life.

Parents will want a pediatrician that will listen to their concerns, will be understanding of their caution regarding medicines and vaccinations, and will be available for questions at all hours of the day and night. That is why it is good to choose a Pediatrician that is part of a bigger practice, so that one office is open on the weekends, and there are doctors on call throughout the night -- as babies have been known to get sick on off hours.

Another point to keep in mind is the hospital that your Pediatrician is affiliated with, because you want your doctor to be able to come to the hospital the day that your baby is born.

It is also good for both parents to get to know their pediatrician so that both parents have a relationship with the one person that will be helping to keep their child healthy.

Finding Ways to Celebrate Life

Before baby, I was only dealing with the pressures of running my own business, things that came up in my personal relationships, and life in general. Once baby came on the scene those pressures needed to get relegated to the back burner, as I focused on Zack and his needs. However, the added work that goes into mothering can sometimes be too much....on top of those other concerns.

As a mother can relate, the Role of Mothering can be a thankless job. Oh, those hugs, smiles, your child's laughter and being called mommy in their little voice makes it all worthwhile!! But there are definitely days when I am just worn down.....and am looking for ways to "celebrate life," to give myself a "congratulations" for keeping it all together, and for "finding joy" amongst the work.

One way is to open up a bottle of champagne (there are some great varieties that don't cost a lot) and toast myself to how far I have come (from midnight feedings, lugging a huge diaper bag around, and having to carry Zack everywhere -- to sleeping through the night, carrying a downsized diaper bag to the sitters, and Zack being able to run around on his own). And how each day gets easier on a certain level.

I also celebrate juggling it all, through another day, and not cracking under the pressure.

To all mom's -- have a glass of champagne and congratulate yourselves for a job well done!!

Summer Has Begun

You know summer has begun when all the kids get out of school.... and get ready for camp. In the northeast it is extremely popular for kids to go to sleep away camp for four weeks or longer. Other kids go to day camp, filling up their days with outdoor and indoor activities.

In my community we have a summer camp called Beach Club that is based around our lake, starting kids at age 4. I can be driving and pass kids riding their bikes to the next activity, or see tons of kids at one beach taking swimming lessons, while at another beach they are practicing swimming styles for competition.

Ah, to be young and unencumbered and have nothing to do but enjoy life!

I dropped my son Zack off at his sitters house and she asked me if she could take him, along with three other girls that she watches, to a park about 30 minutes away that has a small zoo and a playground. That question brought a vision to mind of the future, being asked to sign a permission slip for my son to go on a class trip.

Of course he can go. Summer should be filled with fun, relaxing times, quality time with family, and sunny days.

To all moms out there kicking off their summer -- enjoy this time with your children...they aren't pressured by school, homework, extracurricular activities, and it is a wonderful chance to reconnect.

Preparing Pet for Baby (FM)

This week on my radio show -- Family Matters I wanted to address how important it is to prepare your pets for baby. If you are like me, my two dogs (boxers) have been our babies. My husband had our oldest dog a year before we met (she is now 10 years old) and we adopted another white boxer a few years ago.....and he has always felt like he was the baby!! So we were a little nervous about how he would handle a "new baby" that would be getting all our attention.

It is good to go to the Humane Society's website to get specific tips that you can print out and go through, as you gear up for baby's arrival www.hsus.org There is a whole section about introducing your pet to new baby and a video to watch as well.

Only being a dog person, I didn't spend as much time talking about cats. But there is also information about toxoplasmosis that can be contracted through the kitty litter box of cats, so if you do have a cat, please check out that section as well.

And finally, really consider bringing on someone to walk your pet because a new baby will consume a great deal of your time. Dogs especially need their exercise and attention, and it may be difficult, especially in the beginning to give them what they need. You don't want them to be jealous of the baby, and you do want to give them the best care possible.

Finding a local high school student who is looking to make a little money won't cost you that much, but it could be your best investment for the future.

What Moms Put Up With

I was reflecting the other day, as my son smeared sauce from his lunch onto my shirt, and then proceeded to pull my hair from my hair clip as we were walking around the ball park.....at how much I have put up with once I became a mother. To think that in my "previous life" before baby, I was always dressed immaculately, I was rarely frazzled, and I always wore my hair down. However, shortly after my son realized how great it was to play with my hair, I began wearing it up in a ponytail, or in a clip, so that he couldn't "pull" on it.

But besides the hair (which he has a fascination with), I began reflecting back on when he was an infant and the constant poop (in varying colors) that I needed to change, as well the ongoing spit up issue that had me changing his clothes (as well as mine) several times throughout the day. That had to be one of the hardest parts -- I could not wear anything nice -- I was always paying attention to clothes that I was putting on, and whether or not it was washable.

Now we are in the stage of early mornings (and I am not a morning person) -- with non-stop action from the minute he gets up until the time he collapses at the end of the day. He is loud and noisy as he yells from one room to the next, screams at our dog to chase after him, squeals with excitement, and screeches because he likes to hear the sound of his voice. (It can be maddening, because I am so used to having a peaceful house -- many times I can't hear myself think).

And with all little boys that are eager to explore and check out new things......he is constantly getting into everything he shouldn't and breaking things. This will happen as he trys to pull the towel rack off the wall, grab the air freshener from the electrical outlet, play with the television clicker or portable phone when it is in his reach, and yank items off my book shelf.

But you have to love that sweet little smile he flashes you just when you are overwhelmed with frustration. You just can't be mad at him because he is too cute......and he is only being a boy!!

Many times I find myself just breathing.....in and out.....until I am back to a somewhat calm place and he has already moved onto something else!

Every day is a new adventure -- it certainly isn't dull.

Taking Toddler to Phillies Baseball Game

I have always been an avid sports fan -- before I moved up north I had season tickets to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers Football games, I was part owner in a suite at the Ice Palace where the Tampa Bay Lightning Hockey team played, and I went to all the Tampa Bay Storm games (indoor arena football). My husband is also a big sports fanatic, so we enjoyed traveling to football games, baseball and hockey games together. When I was pregnant with my son, we even went to three baseball games -- breaking in my son to sports while still in the womb.

Once he was born that activity wasn't quite as easy, but I still managed to go to one baseball game when he was seven months old (with him sleeping through half the game) and another baseball game at fourteen months (although we left early). However, yesterday's outing to Philadelphia to see the Phillies play the Angels was not the way I want to go to a game.

I used to love sitting outside, getting some sun, enjoying the ball park, watching the game and relaxing. Yesterday when we got there my husband showed me the seats he had bought....they were phenomenal -- eighth row behind third base, behind the visitor's dugout. I think I got to enjoy the view for the first few minutes when we first arrived there, then for 45 minutes at the beginning of the game before Zacky started squirming and did not want to "sit" any longer and watch the game.

So the rest of the game I was strolling him around, through the crowds, and walking after him in a little more open area, way up on the second floor, where tables and umbrellas were set up -- trying to amuse him in a crowded ball park. It was not fun, it was exhausting, and it was not the way to enjoy going to a game!

I realize that "this too will change" as Zack gets older and will become interested in watching the game -- as he loves baseball. When he was in the seats with us he was excited about the mascot running around on the field, he was yelling when a batter got up and hit the ball into the field, and he loved being at the game (this lasted for 30 minutes before he was ready to go running around).

So for now -- this transition phase when he is an active toddler -- I know that to save my sanity, it is better to put off this activity until both he and I can enjoy the experience!

Asking For Help (FM)

While speaking with The Baby Planners, Melissa and Ellie, about the services they offer to help moms-to-be, it had me reflecting on the help that new moms need once the baby is brought home.

This can be an especially overwhelming time, as mom is recovering from delivery and being responsible for the constant needs of a newborn. It is even more so if a mom had an unexpected c-section. I know that for me, I thought I had arranged enough help for when I got home from the hospital.....but there were so many things I hadn't counted on, and ultimately did not have enough assistance.

A Few Things to Keep In Mind when Pre-Planning:

1. Have a conversation with your husband about what he is willing to do and how can responsibilities be divided up? Is he planning on taking off from work the first two weeks to be an extra set of hands? Is he willing to take over one of the night time feedings (if the baby is bottle fed) Will he take the baby to the doctor/or can he drive you there? Can he help with the laundry or making dinner? And can he take over for you once he arrives home at the end of the day so you are given a break?

2. Plan to have friends and family available to jump in to help where needed the first 3-4 weeks one the baby arrives home (this is in case of a c-section). And tell them specific things that you need help with; such as picking up groceries, watching the baby so you can sleep, or even take a walk to clear your head.

3. Plan how meals are going to be prepared because that will be a chore you won't have time to do -- but you still need to eat well to recover from your delivery.

4. If you have any pets, who can walk and feed them the first couple of weeks? Is there someone in your neighborhood that can do that?

5. Who can take care of doing the laundry or cleaning the house?

It is better to over plan for help and not need it, than to not have enough assistance and feel distraught.

Life of the Party

On saturday Jeff, Zack and I went to a graduation party. A friend of ours was throwing a party for his daughter, who just graduated from college. It was a very casual affair, held in a VFW hall by their house, and our friend comes from a large family, so they are used to having kids running around. It was our first event, with a group of people at a party, with Zack being able to run and play with other kids.

When we first arrived, he was immediately attracted to the red helium balloons that were scattered all over the hall for decoration. Luckily they had three balloons grouped together, and attached to a cow bell, on each of the tables. So we grabbed one of the tables and let him play with our centerpiece for awhile. He then enjoyed running up and down the hall, grabbing a dorito or potato chip on each visit back by us; he was also waving to everyone that was coming in, and visiting guests sitting around to say hello -- it was as if he was the host of the party.

Then once a few children showed up, he was set for the rest of the afternoon -- running around with them, playing with the balloons, laughing and just having a great time. It was so much fun to watch......and I wasn't the only one. All the guests loved his happy face, his openness and his laughter.

When we got ready to leave, a few hours later, on the way out the door, people we didn't even know were sad to see us leave, they said that Zack had been their entertainment.

It made me so happy to see him going and doing on his own, without worrying about where we were, not needing to sit near us, but instead out exploring new people and having fun!
It was a very good day.

Communication Meltdowns

At 18 months my son has quite a repertoire of words in his vocabulary, and he has started putting a couple of words together. So most of the time, between the words he can say, him pointing and gesturing, I can usually figure out what he wants.

Or there are times when he says a word I don't understand, but I try to pretend that I do -- to acknowledge him.

However, lately he has started having meltdowns because he wants to say more, but hasn't mastered the words yet. Or we think he wants something and it is obviously not what he wants and he gets extremely upset and frustrated.

In my coaching practice I have worked with parents of children ages 4-6 that are having temper tantrums because they can't express their feelings....why they are angry, and what is really going on underneath the anger. I coach parents on how to dialogue with their children to help them find the words to express their concerns.

I know my son is struggling because he wants to talk and express himself, but he hasn't learned the language. I am sure that once he get those words down, though, he will never stop talking!
As with everything, this challenging time will pass!

Ball Player in the Making

The other morning was one of those times that I truly enjoyed my son. He can be so precious with his happy grin, curious nature, and excitement when he is doing something he loves -- one of those things is playing with balls (any kind of sports ball -- football, soccer, baseball, basketball, beach ball, etc....) he is almost obsessed with them.

So shortly after getting up and going downstairs he ran right over to his inflatable car that is filled with plastic balls and started throwing them to our dog (a white boxer named Aspen) to chase and play with him. He is so funny the way he crouches down (like a professional baseball pitcher) and throws that ball across the room. Then he laughed and ran after Aspen to do it again.......this can continue for a good fifteen minutes before he moves on to another game involving his football, or another sport.

My husband and I joke about what type of professional athlete he will be when he grows up. Even a few months ago, when he discovered the football -- my husband had gotten him a small official NFL ball and he was in love with it the minute it was in his hands. He reminded me of one of those freshman receivers in college that has to carry the ball around with him all day, and through all of his classes, making sure he does not let it out of his hands. Zack was the same way -- carrying it everywhere, and even falling asleep with it, clutched in his tight little hands. Even today if you say football to him he will comment "hike, hike, hike."

But them we laugh as he is always picking up the phone wanting to call someone, or talk --with it perched on his shoulder, under his chin, while walking around. So we make remarks about how instead of an athlete, he is going to be a Sports Agent, following all the sports, and then calling his clients after each game!!!

It is fun watching him blossom and enjoy his unique interests. As with any child a parent should pay attention to their child's gifts and talents and then find ways to encourage them to become the person they are meant to be. I look forward to watching Zack's talent unfold.

Spending Time with Zack -- or Working?

Saturday's blog reminds me of how often I am playing a mental game with myself about having Zack more often at the sitters, so I can get work done....or spending those extra few hours in the morning, a few days a week, just with him???

On bright, sunny days, those mornings are precious as I take him to the diner for pancakes, and then over to the playground to swing on the swings. Or down to the lake to watch him throw sticks into the water, or just observe him walk around, exploring his world.

In those times I am reminded that he will only be this age once and how priceless these times are. There are other times; however, when the weather is not so good, and we get caught staying in the house, and I am pulled between running up to check my e-mail, or return some phone calls, and playing with him.

Then when he senses me pulling away from him, the struggles begin. Or he will make his way around the house pulling everything out and throwing it around.....for me to pick up before starting my work day later.....or he will get into everything he shouldn't....and frustrate me to no end.

So each day flies by in a flash, as I try to juggle it all, and make the most of each day!

Toddler Proofing My Home Office

When my son was an infant he would sleep a lot in my office, while I got work done. As he moved from infant to baby, he would still be in my office, playing with a toy and looking up at me content, happy to be near me playing, while I worked on my computer.

The next phase -- he moved into a bouncy seat, next to my desk, where he could sit up, spin around, bounce, and play with the toys that were attached. This kept him occupied and busy long enough for me to get several things done before he was ready to go off and crawl around.

I visioned the day when he would sit on a rug, on the floor of my office, and play with toys while I worked. (That must have been a vision of another child, because my son does not sit for any length of time!!)

He went right from crawling to standing, to furniture walking, and once he started walking on his own, he was soon running -- freedom, freedom....he wanted to explore everything. Which leads me to the current phase....getting into everything in my office and driving me CRAZY!!

This is my domain -- my work environment! And he would knock papers over, pull books off my shelves, turn my printer on and proceed to shove small items into it. He would pull folders out of my filing cabinet, yank my phone off my desk (once when I was on an important call) and one morning he shut my computer off just as I was right in the middle of creating a document!!

During those moments I can only see a bulldozer plowing through my office. But when I have a chance to step back, look at his sweet little face, and lift him up to carry him downstairs, out of my domain......do I suddenly see an adventurous little boy that just wants to see all the fun little items I have hidden away in my drawers, and be a part of my world.

So again, I needed to figure out a way to adapt to him, and not expect him to adapt to me by not exploring my office. So I bought a plastic bin and put all my paperclips, computer discs, staples, rubber bands, etc....in it and put it away in my office closet. I also need to limit the time I am in my office when he is home, not sleeping or dad isn't around to watch him.

How two worlds collide......

Getting Away -- Why No Sleep?

Yesterday I drove to Connecticut to spend the night at a B&B in the coastal town of Niantic, CT. I was writing an article for BnBFinder.com about their Babymoon Package. I was so looking forward to getting away from all my responsibilities at home and for my husband to spend 24 hours of quality time with Zack and our two dogs!

Before baby I used to travel at least once a month doing trainings for American Express, but after baby, the first chance I had to travel for work overnight was just a month ago. This trip allowed me the freedom to not only get my job done, but also the ability to sit in an Adirondack chair, with the sun shining on my face, while overlooking a beautiful seaside Marina for a couple of hours -- to just chill, without being pulled in a dozen different directions. I so needed that

Then as early evening approached I went to check out a local seafood restaurant, explored the downtown area and enjoyed watching the movie "Sex in the City" at the little movie theatre in town. (the last time I had been to a movie was over two years ago).

After arriving back at the Inn, all I wanted to do was have some tea, relax, and then go to sleep. Ahh, a good night's sleep.....the ability to sleep in past 6:30 am and not be woken up by baby!!

Ha, ha -- that is where the joke was on me!! Because I wanted that so badly -- sleep eluded me!!! I lay in bed tossing and turning, with my body craving sleep, sleep, sleep -- and my mind suddenly on overdrive -- sleep seemed to be pushed farther and farther out of reach. The clock continued to tick the hours away....until I last remember seeing 3:00 am.

Then waking up to rain hitting the windows at 7:30 am -- I looked at the clock, rolled over, and tried to fall back to sleep. I knew I didn't need to be up until closer to 9:00.......but fat chance of that.

My big chance to get the sleep I need and it is elusive and out of reach......

No Rest For the Weary

One of the most difficult aspects of being a mom is that there is no break. If you are sick, if you are tired, if you are stressed....there is no break. I know that a few times since my son was born, I have gotten up in the morning and not felt good at all. All I wanted to do was crawl back into bed, hide under the covers, and recharge. But there is no longer that luxury.

Before baby, I used to work all the time; but I always knew how to pace myself, give myself that down time to recharge my physical battery and be able to keep going and doing. My biggest challenge these days is finding a way to recharge my battery, because with anything, if the physical battery breaks down, everything else breaks down.

Yesterday was a perfect example. I woke up on sunday morning and was not feeling great, as if I was coming down with something. My husband went off to work overtime at his job and my son had me up at 6:30 am ready to go. I dragged myself out of bed and had to get our two dogs fed, and get my son a bottle of milk, then try to get him to have some sort of breakfast, while he is running around the house, more interested in playing........I would have given anything to have gone back to bed and caught a couple more hours of sleep.

But instead I tried to participate in the morning and prayed he would be ready for a nap at around 10:30am. Unfortunately, because I wanted him to, he was not going to have a nap at 10:30, or at 11:00 as I struggled with him to lay down. So finally I got him and I dressed and headed out for the day......just in time for him to fall asleep in the car on the way to a street fair. (For 20 minutes)

So we are out and about, I am feeling better, being outside and out of the house...but he is still wearing me down!! Then we leave to come home, and I am hoping he will be ready for an afternoon nap....give me a good hour to lay down and just grab some rest. He is almost nodding off in the car, and I am playing with his feet trying to keep him awake......almost home, just a few more miles, almost there.....and I can put him down in his bed, and I can lay down.

I lift him out of his car seat, ease him into the house, my dogs are jumping around because they want to go out.....and boom, Zack is up and there is now no nap. I put him in his crib anyway, hoping he will try to fall asleep, while I take out the dogs and feed them.......I go back upstairs and he is jumping around ready to play.

Does he need me to calm him down, try to get him back in the slumber state he was in a short while ago? Because he really does need to nap (and so do I) normally he takes a 2 hour nap and so far he has only had 20 minutes. I pick him up and try to rock him.......but nothing works, the spell has been broken and he is now up for the duration.

I let him down off my lap and look at my watch. I take a deep breath and wonder how I am going to get through the next few hours before he may be ready for sleep. It was now 3:30 and I doubt he would go down before 6:30 pm (if I am really lucky). Plus, without his nap, am I going to have to endure melt downs and emotional difficulties?

We get through the next few hours with some struggles, I get through dinner, we get through bath time and I am beyond ready to have him go down for the night. At 7:00 we are struggling in his bedroom, he is way past exhausted (and so am I) so he doesn't want to go down, but after a little bit he konks out! I am beat up, totally spent, and not able to do one more thing......

But as I walk downstairs I see the living room with scattered toys all over the floor, and I grit my teeth as I put everything away. I go into the kitchen to get a glass of wine, I walk back upstairs to my bedroom, throw on my soft pajamas and crawl under the covers and try to lose myself in a good book.

Just to do it all over again tomorrow..........